


Sophomore Year

by msweener19



Series: High School Is Never How You Think It Will Be [1]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 17:59:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1275718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msweener19/pseuds/msweener19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I originally posted this on FF.net as High School Is Never How You Think It Will Be: Sophomore Year, but I decided to change it on here to make it shorter.... Here's the summary</p><p>Maura's the new girl in school and she has a dark past. What happens when Jane breaks through the walls faster than anyone has ever been able to? </p><p>works up to rizzles and it's a part of a series</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chemistry; Not Just a Class

** Chapter 1 ~Chemistry, Not Just A Class~ **

                High School. Sophomore year. She wanted to make this year her year. She was playing soccer in the fall. Working inside on her softball for the spring. Jane Rizzoli was one athletic person. She wasn't girly to say the least. She loved to run around and get all sweaty and have fun playing the sports she loved. Jane had the next three years all planned out. She was playing on a travel league for softball to help her get noticed by scouts for Division 1 schools. She knew what she wanted. That was, until the first day of sophomore year started and she met Maura...

                Maura Isle. A very intelligent sophomore that just moved to Boston from Seattle. For being 15, she was a lot smarter than most Juniors. She took to learning well. She was fluent in several languages; Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, Hebrew, and Arabic, and it was extremely easy for her to learn new languages. She had goals with her life. She wanted to be a Doctor. She knew where she wanted to go to college. She had a plan...

                Jane woke up on the first day of school with a happiness about her. She knew she was going to have to excel not only on the field but in the classroom as well if she wanted to land an athletic scholarship. She only had her eye on one softball program and she was going to work hard to get them to offer her a scholarship. 

                After Jane got ready, she headed to school so she could make sure she knew where all her classes were. Jane was honestly excited. Her first period class was Chemistry. She was an accelerated student. That meant when she was in 8th grade she took algebra and earth science instead of regular 8th grade math and science. She also took geometry and biology last year. This year she got to take chemistry and algebra 2/Trigonometry.

                Jane got to class about 10 minutes early and sat at the table in the corner closest to the door. There were already some students in the room so they just say and talked. A couple minutes before class started everyone started to quiet down. That's when Jane noticed her, walking in. The new girl in their grade. As Jane looked around she noticed there were no other empty seats at the other tables except for the one next to her. She wanted to be nice. She knew what it was like to be the new girl in school.

                She locked eyes with her and smiled. Then Jane said, "Here. Sit Here. Next to me."  _Why the hell do I have butterflies in my stomach? Gosh she's beautiful. Wait... is that normally something a girl thinks about another girl?_  Jane was lost in thought. That's when she heard it. A faint 'hello.' It was almost a whisper she almost didn't catch. Jane couldn't just sit there and ignore her though. So she turned in her seat to face her.

                "Hey. I'm.... Jane.... Rizzoli.... Jane Rizzoli." She smiled at her. 

                "Well Jane. It's nice to meet you. I'm Maura. Maura Isles." She was so confident when she was speaking, but her mind was freaking out. When she walked into the classroom and saw Jane, her stomach turned into knots. 

                "Maura. I like that name. It's nice." Jane paused. "So Maura, where are you from?"

                "Before here? Seattle. I moved around a lot."

                "Whoa. No way. Seattle? Totally want to college there."

                "I loved it in Seattle; for the most part. I did this camp over the summer at a college in Seattle and fell in love with it and I want to go back and go to college there."

                "Small world... Wait. What college?"

                "University of Washington. They have an excellent pre-med program there."

                "Ok definitely a small world. UW is my dream school. I want to play softball there." Jane was interrupted by the teacher, Mrs. Ramirez, starting class.

                The rest of the day went by fast. Maura and Jane had 7 of their 9 classes together. Which both Jane and Maura were glad about. At the end of the day, Jane found Maura at her locker.

                “Hey.” Jane said walking up to Maura.

                “Hey yourself.” Maura said with a smile. “So, what are you doing after school?”

                “Um... soccer practice. Why?”

                “Oh. Well I wanted to see if you wanted to come over to my house.”

                “Yeah. Between soccer and being on a travel team for softball, I will have no time.” She looked at Maura who had a disappointing look on her face. “But, I don't start softball for another 2 weeks! Which means for the next 2 weeks I will have some free time. So if you want maybe Friday night we could hang out after school. Maybe a sleep over?”

                “I would love that. A sleep over sounds like a lot of fun! I've never actually been to one or had one at my house.” Jane looked at Maura confused.

                “Well it looks like I will be your first!” Instantly Jane blushed then said, “Sleep over I mean.” Maura was smiling at let out a little chuckle.

                “Well Jane. I don't mind you being my first.” She said with a wink. Maura was flirting and Jane knew it. _Oh my gosh. She's flirting with me. And I am really enjoying it._ Jane thought to herself.

                “Ok. Well. Um. Practice. Yeah. I need... I... I should get going.” Jane turned around to walk away then paused. She turned back around to Maura and said, “Why don't you come over tonight. I know it's a school night, but my parents don't care. I mean if you want to come over and your parents say it's ok.” _What am I doing? I like her, but do I really like her like that? I can't. My parents will kill me!_ Jane was brought out of her thoughts by Maura speaking.

                “My parents are both out of town so it would just be me and the maid. What time?”

_She has a maid? What? I assumed she had some money by the way she dressed, but I didn't think she was well off._ “I get out of practice at 4, and I live right down the road from here, so how does 4:15 sound?”

                “Sounds good to me. I can meet you in the locker room. I was planning on staying here and getting some work done anyway.” _I really hope she doesn't figure it out and she hates me. I will die if that happens again. I can't deal with that all over again. Being here can't be like how it was at school in Seattle._

                “Ok smartypants.” Jane gave her a wink. _Two can play that game,_ she thought. “I will see you when I get out of practice then!” Without thinking she walked up to Maura and hugged her. Jane wasn't the type who liked giving or receiving hugs, but for some reason she wanted to hug Maura and have as much physical contact with her as possible. _Oh my gosh. She smells amazing. Her arms around me feel awesome. I know this isn't supposed to happen, but I really am into her._ Jane was lost in her thoughts but came back to reality when Maura pulled away. _This is what I want. I want Jane. More than anything I just want her.  I want to tell her my secret. Tell her why I'm here; why I had to move to Boston. Maybe I can tonight. Let her know so that if she doesn't like it then I can just not have anything to do with her. Ok. I need to pull away or this could get ugly and fast._

                Jane walked away with the biggest grin on her face. If what she thought was possible was in fact true, her and Maura would be having a lot of fun hanging out. Maura on the other hand just stood in front of her locker in a daze. It was a good daze. She was happy. She also had a grin on her face that matched Jane's.

                Maura met Jane in the locker room right at 4 o'clock. She was a very punctual person and hated being late for anything. When she saw Jane walk through the doors after coming off the field her face lit up. Same with Jane's face. Maura couldn't stop thinking about how sexy and beautiful Jane looked in a sports bra and tight shorts.

                “Hey. You're a punctual person aren't you?” Jane asked.

                “Yes, I am. I hate being late to things, even if it's by a minute!”

                “Well I would rather be friends with a person who's punctual instead of always super late.” She flashed Maura the famous Rizzoli smile. Jane knew that instant the way Maura looked like she was about to melt, the way she had a huge smile on her face and her face blushed that she was far from straight. Jane wasn't going to say anything though. It wasn't her place, but she knew that when Maura was ready to tell her, she would listen and she would tell her that she was her friend no matter what. Jane also thought that it would also help her figure out what was going on with her. That maybe Maura could help her figure it out. “Ok. I'm going to just go shower really super quick and then we are out of here!” Jane said as she was grabbing her things for a shower and walking away.

                After Jane got out of the shower and was getting dressed, she realized something. “Maura, what are you planning on wearing for pajamas and to school tomorrow? You don't have an over night bag!” she yelled to Maura, who was just outside the showers

                “Don't be silly Jane. I called Wilma, my maid and had her pack me a bag to send over with my driver.” Honestly Maura really wanted to tell Jane that she was hoping that they would both be sleeping naked tonight. “My driver dropped it off to me a little while ago. So I'm all set!” She said as she was walking into the shower area. That's when she saw Jane, in just her underwear. She looked away as quickly as she could but she knew Jane knew she saw her checking her out. All Maura could get out was a faint 'sorry” before the tears started flowing and she ran out of the shower area to sit on a bench. Jane quickly threw on the rest of her clothes and went to her. Maura was really crying and Jane couldn't figure out why or what would have caused it. They were the only 2 left in the locker room thankfully.

                “Hey...shhh... It's ok...it's ok...” That was all Jane could say. She wrapped her arms around Maura and let her cry it out. When she heard her calm down she pulled away and looked into Maura's eyes. “What's wrong Maur?” Jane wiped away the last of the tears on Maura's face.

                “It's nothing.” Lies. Maura knew what happens when she lies. She gets hives. Which was something she did not want to deal with tonight. “Ok.... maybe something.”

                “Ya think? Maura. Listen. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm your friend. Friends support each other through everything and anything no matter what. So you can talk to me. I don't like seeing my friends hurt or upset. Especially crying. I feel like I'm the one who just caused you to cry.”

                “No. Jane. It wasn't you. I mean, walking in on you and seeing you pretty much naked embarrassed me, but it just caused me to bring back some memories I wish I could forget.”

                “Oh.” That was all Jane could think, to say. “Talk to me. If it's bad or anything I can handle it and I can help you through it.”

                “Not right now. Let me calm down and we can go back to your house and have dinner and then we can watch a movie or something and talk. How about that?”

                “Ok. Promise, because I won't be able to think about anything but you until I know.” Jane knew there was a double meaning to telling Maura she wouldn't be able to stop thinkng about her, but right now she didn't care.

                “I promise. After dinner I will tell you anything and everything.” Maura paused. “And who said I wanted you to stop thinking about me anyway?” Maura and Jane both laughed at that one.

                “Ok. Well since you will be spilling your guts to me, it only seems fair that I tell you everything about me too. I want to get to know you Maur, so we just tell each other everything; no secrets.” and it was true, Jane did want to know everything about Maura, the good and the bad. She also wanted to know that the hell made her cry.


	2. What Happened in Seattle

** Chapter 2 ~What Happened in Seattle?~ **

                Dinner went off without any problems. Mrs. Rizzoli really look to Maura, especially because of how polite and respectful she was to everyone. Maura even offered to help clean up, which Mrs. Rizzoli politely declined telling Maura she was a guest. With that Jane and Maura went upstairs to Jane's room.

                “So... This is..uh... my room.” Jane said. _I can't be nervous. She will notice and tonight will be awkward._ Jane thought to herself. Jane was brought out of her thoughts by Maura speaking.

                “It's nice.” Maura said sitting down on the bed. “And you have a big bed, so we won't be uncomfortable sleeping.” She paused and looked at Jane. “Um.. I didn't mean to assume that we would be sleeping together... I mean... in the same bed.. I.. um..” Maura was cut off.

                “It's ok... I was assuming the same thing too.” Jane smiled at Maura. “What's with the nerves? It's just a sleep over.”

                “I guess I'm not nervous about the sleepover itself just talking about everything.” Tears started to form in her eyes. Maura tried to blink them away but they started to fall down her cheek. When Jane saw the tears, she was instantly right up next to Maura wiping the tears away. She pulled Maura into a hug and all Maura could do was bury her face into Jane's shoulder. She kissed the top of her head, not thinking, but she didn't care. Whatever Maura was dealing with was really causing her a great deal of pain.

                “Shhh... it's ok. I'm here. I've got you. You're ok. I've got you.” Maura was really crying now. Jane led Maura over to the bed to get her to lay down. She then went and got her water and came back and made sure she shut and locked her door. She didn't want anyone, especially her annoying brothers, to come in and see Maura crying. Jane didn't want to make her anymore upset more than she already was. She walked over and set the water on the table next to her bed and then climbed into bed next to Maura, who had rolled over and was now facing Jane. That's when Maura started crying even more. She instantly had her arms wrapped around Maura trying to sooth her.

                “You... think...I...am...crazy... don't... you?” Maura said in between sobs.

                “Shhh. No, I don't. I think you just have a lot of stuff to deal with and that I am going to help you as much as I can.” Jane paused. “And if there are thinks I can't or I don't know how to help you with I will find someone who can. Ok?” Maura nodded. She was still trying to calm down so she didn't want to talk. “When you calm down, and are ready, can you please tell me what is going on? My mind is racing because of all the possibilities, and I am starting to get worried about you.” Maura just nodded again. They laid there in silence for a while longer before Maura was the first to speak.

                “I'm... gay.” Maura didn't dare to look up at Jane. She was terrified of how she would react.

                “I know. I kind of assumed you weren't straight when you were flirting with me. And yes I did notice. You weren't subtle if you were trying to be.” Jane paused. “Maura look at me. This doesn't change anything. We, are still friends. I told you that no matter what I was here for you. I plan on sticking to that promise too. You don't have to worry about what I think. Honestly, knowing you and getting to know you more has actually helped me understand myself.”

                “Thank you. So much. I cannot explain how much what you just said means to me.” Maura pulled Jane into a hug. “Wait... what do you mean knowing me has helped you understand yourself?”

                “Maura, I don't want to focus on me right now. All I want is to make you feel better and find out what has you so upset. I will tell you eventually though. I promise. What I don't get is what being gay has to do with what is going on. To me, I don't care. So what you're gay. Big deal! I don't care who you love as long as you are happy.” that earned a smile on Maura's face, which made Jane grin. “Wait a minute. The first day of school, when you told me you moved here from Seattle, you also said that you loved it there for the most part. What made you not love it completely?”

                “Me, being gay, is part of the reason why I'm upset; why I feel like I am going to implode.” Maura took a deep breathe before continuing. “When I was in middle school, around the middle of 7th grade, I started to realize that I wasn't into boys the way other girls were and I was into girls the way I should have been into boys. Me being one for science and research went online to research why I was the way I was. When I was researching, that's when I started to realize the possibilities of me being gay. At first, I was scared. I didn't want to be teased anymore than I already was. So I tried to make myself like boys.” Maura looked at Jane, who was now holding her hand. “I had a boyfriend, for a few months, but that whole time I was fighting an battle within myself. I wasn't happy at all. I became depressed. It got bad enough where I started to hurt myself. The boy I was dating saw the cuts on my arm one day and told me I was weird and a psycho, and that he wasn't going to date some freak. Things got even worse after that. People were teasing me, calling me a freak, even the one's I called my friends were bullying me. I started cutting more, and then that wasn't enough. I wanted to be gone. I couldn't live with myself. I ended up taking a whole bunch of pills to try and overdose.” Maura had tears running down her face. She knew that this wasn't even the most painful part of the story and she didn't know how she was going to be when she told Jane the rest.

Jane was silent. She didn't know what to say. She had tears in her eyes herself. She wiped them away then went and wiped the tears away from Maura's. Jane then pulled Maura into a hug. It was the only thing she could think of.

“I don't remember much of what happened. I know from what I was told that Wilma, the maid I told you about, found me in the bathroom passed out. I woke up in the hospital 2 days later. Wilma stayed with me the whole time. My parents... my parents were on some trip to some European country and couldn't come back when they found out, something about flights. I knew though that they could have gotten a flight if they really tried and really wanted to. That hurt a lot. I was put on medication for the depression and I started meeting with a counselor twice a week, which really helped too. I didn't return to school, but I did do the work so I could go onto 8th grade.” Maura and Jane were both laying back down now and Jane had her hand on Maura's hip, rubbing different shapes with her thumb to comfort her. “I worked with the counselor and she helped me understand and accept that I was gay. When I finally accepted it myself, we worked on ways to tell my parents, different ways they could react, what I would do if they didn't react well, in the end, when I finally got the chance to tell my parents, it was hard. It was just after New Years last year. I sat them down and just told them. They didn't like it at all. They told me it was a choice and I was ruining my life. I was still dealing with the cutting thing, so I turned to that again. My parents worked a lot more, or stayed at the other houses or apartments that we have. They didn't completely disown me, because I still had access to my trust fund and the allowance they gave me every week, but to me they disowned me.” Jane pulled Maura into another hug.

                “I'm so sorry Maura. I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through any of that. I don't even know what I would do if I didn't have my family in my life. As much as Ma annoys the hell out of me, I would be really sad and upset if she didn't want talk to me.”

                “I know. It's hard. Even though they didn't want to talk to me, I still wanted to come out. I knew that I didn't choose it, and I wanted people to know. I waited a while for the drama the newness of telling my parents to be not as new before I came out at school. When I finally came out at school, it was mid-March. Some of my friends were ok with it. They didn't care. I was the same person I was before I told them. The football players when they found out, were bullies. They kept telling me that all I needed was the right guy to straighten me out. I didn't listen to them though. I didn't know them and they didn't know me, so how could they judge me? After I came out, I was ok. I was confident that the rest of high school was going to be ok. That was... until May came around.... I was walking home from the library one night, and out of nowhere some of the football players from school were coming at me. They kept pushing me around. Telling me they were going to straighten me out tonight whether I liked it or not. I was terrified. That's when one of them grabbed me and put their hand around my mouth to keep me from screaming. I was pulled into a dark alley and that's when it all happened.” Maura was about to break down again. Jane just pulled her into her chest and hugged her tight.

                “Oh my gosh Maura, I'm so sorry. I don't have any idea how that must have felt.” Jane felt Maura pulling away from her and she didn't know if that was a bad thing or not.

                “When it was over they threatened to kill me if I said anything and then just left me there. I was found by 2 officers who were walking by. When I woke up in the hospital, I was alone and scared. I got really upset and then I got angry. I tried to get up, but I had stitches on chin, 3 cracked ribs on both sides, and I could barely see because my eyes were so swollen. I ended up being sedated and I slept for another 3 days. Talking to the police was the hardest. I knew exactly who the boys were who did it, and I told the police who did it. Even though they threatened me I knew I couldn't keep it from them. After they all were arrested, everyone at school was basically split down the middle with who's side they were on. When the trial came around, it was hell. I had to testify and the boys kept saying I wanted it, that I liked it rough or whatever. When it was finally over, and they were found guilty I knew I couldn't stay in Seattle and I had to get away for awhile if I wanted to be able to survive and make it through high school so I could go to UW. So I decided at the end of June that I wanted to come to Boston. I talked to my father's business manager about arranging for me to move here and to get set up at school. His manager told my parents what I wanted to do, and they didn't care. They didn't want anything to do with me. They were just going to only support me financially and I was on my own for the rest. So I moved here in July and I also offered Wilma to come with me which she gladly accepted because she knew she needed to protect me and I was like a daughter to her. She doesn't have any family either so it was easy for her to just move with me to here. I'm happy that I'm here though. I really love it here so far.” Maura shifted so she was looking right into Jane's eyes. “I'm also really glad I met you.” Through both of their tears they smiled and hugged.

                “Well, that was a lot to take in. I'm just glad you are happy and all though I hate the circumstances that led to you moving here, I am glad you are here, and I am glad that you are my friend.” Jane gave her the famous Rizzoli smile. Maura yawned and that was when Jane looked to see what time it was. “Wow Maur, it's 11. Wanna go to bed? I know we said a movie but with school in the morning I don't want to be late.”

                “Bed would be awesome right now.” Maura got up from the bed and went to her bag to pull out her pj's and changed. Jane did the same thing. They both climbed into bed and got comfortable. _I could get used to this whole sleep over thing. I mean, not the crying and telling my darkest secret, but sleeping in a bed with Jane. It just seems so right._ Maura was lost in thought when Jane turned onto her side to face Maura and put and hand on her face to cup her cheek.

                “Everything that happened before is the past. You learn from it. You're here now and you have a fresh start. Don't worry about the future too much though. Just know that no matter what I am here for you for anything and everything. I will let you cry on my shoulder as much as you need. I will always be here. I will be your one constant in your life. We're in high school, and everything is going to change whether we like it or not, but I will be the one thing in your life that won't change.” Jane had no clue where all that came from but it worked.

                “Thank you Jane. That is the best thing someone has ever said to me.”

                “Don't thank me. This is what a friend does. Now lets go to sleep.” Jane reached over Maura to turn off the light. That's when she kissed Maura's forehead. It was a risky move, but a move she needed to make to show her that she didn't care that she was gay, and that maybe, the feelings she knew Maura had might be mutual.

                “Good night Maur.”

                “Night” Maura turned onto her side and snuggled in close to Jane's side. She needed the closeness of her friend tonight. Jane just let her rest her head on her shoulder and wrapped a protective arm around Maura's back. She listened to Maura's breathing as it evened out. She knew she need to get some sleep as well, but her mind was racing, so she just continued to stare at the ceiling.


	3. Am I Your Best Friend?

** Chapter 3 ~Am I Your Best Friend?~ **

                When Jane woke up the next morning to her alarm, Maura wasn't in her bed. She thought last night was a dream, a very bad dream too. She just laid there staring at the ceiling, thinking. _That couldn't have been a dream. How could I dream up something that horrible? It couldn't have been a dream._ That's when the door opened and Maura came in.

                “Hey sleepy head.” Maura said. She was smiling and she looked happy.

                “You're a morning person aren't you?” Jane said with a grin. “And you seem happy.”

                “Yes Jane. I am a morning person. I am also happy. I shared a huge part of me with you last night. And you didn't react the way I expected you too. So yes I am happy.”

                “Well. I guess I will have to get used to the morning person thing, but I am very happy that you are happy. You don't have to worry about me Maur. I am not going anywhere. I am here for good. I will always be your friend, no matter what.”

                “I know Jane. I know. Honestly, I really am glad that you are in my life. I have never had a friend like you. We've only been friends for what? 24 hours? And I feel like you are like my... best friend... even if you don't feel the same way, but that's how I feel.”

                “Maura, I like that. I like that you think of me as your best friend. I really do.” Jane paused and Maura cut in.

                “but, you don't want to be my best friend?”

                “No.... you have it wrong... silly. You didn't let me finish!” Jane smiled. “How about we go get some breakfast, _best_ friend.” Jane gave Maura a wink.

                “I like that. We're best friends!”

                Jane just rolled her eyes. “Calm down. It's not like I asked you to marry me or anything.” She smiled at Maura. “I can see this being one awesome and fun friendship..... Wait, does that mean we can't talk about boys like normal best friends?”

                “You can talk about boys. If you're ok with it, I'll just talk about girls. Simple as that. What is normal anyway?”

                “True. And I totally am ok with that. It's only fair too. I actually think it's cool that I have a gay best friend. I don't know why... I mean, I guess it would just show that that kind of stuff doesn't matter and that it's about the person, not who or what they like.”

                “Aw. Jane that's so sweet!” Maura pulled Jane into a tight hug.

                “Can we go get some breakfast now?” Jane was kind of whining.

                “Lead the way. It is your house.”

               

2 WEEKS LATER

                The past 2 weeks had been nothing but fun with Maura and Jane. Maura got set up with a therapist that was recommended to her by the school's psychologist and Jane had been nothing but supportive. She knew Maura kept getting stressed and when she got really stressed she started cutting. It was still a struggle for Maura. Jane tried to spend as much time as she could with her so that she wasn't ever alone so she would talk instead, but with travel softball about to start and the workout she had to do, and playing soccer, she was having a hard time spending time with Maura outside of school. Jane felt terrible too. She didn't want Maura to do it. It hurt her knowing that she was doing it because she felt like if she was spending time with her as much as the first week they met, she wouldn't be doing it as much or at all. She knew she needed to do something to make up for the time she hadn't spent with her best friend, and this weekend was going to be one of the last weekends for the next 2 months that weren't filled with back to back games.

                “We need to have a movie weekend this weekend.” Jane said walking up to Maura.

                “I would like that. I feel like I have barely seen you outside of school.”

                “Well that's because we really haven't. I feel bad because I've been so tired from soccer and the softball workouts that I haven't given my best friend the attention that she deserves.” She smiled at Maura.           “Which means tomorrow after school, for 48 hours I will be all yours. We can watch movies, eat lots of junk food and pizza and just hang out.”

                “Sounds perfect. Why don't you come over to my house after school. It will give us some space and your brothers won't be there.” Maura had spent enough time at Jane's house to know that her brothers were quite annoying.

                “I would like that a lot. I'll get the pizza before I come over?”

                “Perfect. I will have Wilma go out and get us some junk food.” Maura smiled. She liked the idea of having Wilma get junk food for her and her best friend. Wilma was very happy that Maura had found a friend that accepted her and liked her for who she was.

                “Ok. I have to go. I'm kind of late for practice.”

                “Sorry. I didn't realize.”

                “Don't be sorry. This conversation was very much worth being late to practice for.” Jane gave Maura a quick hug and as she was running down the hall yelled, “Call me after practice and we can figure out what movie we want to watch.”

                “Ok. 7 sound good?”

                “Yeah.” And with that Jane rounded the corner to the locker room.

 


	4. I Though I was Ok

 

** Chapter 4 ~I Thought I was Ok~ **

                Maura was still in the hall when a group of football players came walking up to her. She liked football but since what happened she gets shivers whenever she looks at a football player. She knew that they weren't walking by. They were surrounding her; 4 of them.

                “Shouldn't you all be at practice?” she knew she couldn't show fear. She needed to tough. She could do it.

                “Nah. I'm too good to go to practice everyday. What are you doing here nerd? What do you live here? You're always here. When do you even have fun?” One of the players, Matt, said.

                “I do have fun and no I don't live here. I was going home just now.”

                “What do you do for fun? What boy would be into you anyway. You're a nerd. No one likes nerds. You're nothing but a loser.” Jeff, one of the other players, said.

                “I wouldn't care about what boys like me. I don't like boys.”

                “Oh. So you're a dyke? Huh? Figures. So you're a nerd loser who chooses to fuck girls?” Matt said with a smirk. “You know what you need? A man to straighten you out.” All the boys laughed at that.

                Maura started to have a flashback and went into a panic attack. She couldn't breathe. They were all around her. Maura tried to break away from them and run but one of them threw her against a locker and pinned her there. She fought against their hold. Maura was stronger than she looked.

                “Why are you fighting? You know you want it. You know you like it.” Jeff said.

                Maura was crying now and barely could breathe. That's when a teacher, Mrs. Ramirez, came around the corner. “What is going on here?” Mrs. Ramirez yelled. All the boys ran down the hall, but she knew who they were so she knew they weren't getting away with this. Maura just stood there, against the lockers. She was still stuck in her flashback. She didn't even know that she wasn't being pinned against the lockers anymore.

                Mrs. Ramirez walked up to her. “Maura?” She said. No answer. “Maura? Are you ok?” Still no answer. She put a hand on Maura's shoulder. That's when Maura snapped. She pushed Mrs. Ramirez away. Luckily she caught herself. Maura yelled “Get away from me! Don't you touch me! Not again!” She ran. All the way to her house. She ran 3 miles all the way to her house.

                Maura didn't even know she was at her house until she was in her room; razor blade in her hand. _I'm nothing. I'm worthless. No one wants me. The one person I want I can't have because she is straight. I can't do this. Why can't I just be normal?_ Maura had cut deep this time. Her arm hadn't even healed from the last time. She thought she couldn't live like this. She kept having flashbacks. She wasn't ok. She kept telling herself but she wasn't. There was blood running down her arm. The pain started to go away. It always had that affect, at least until she realized what she had done.

                “Maura! What did you do!” Maura looked up to see Jane, covered in sweat, breathing heavy. She ran into Maura's bathroom to get a towel. “Maura. What did you do.” it was a whisper this time. That was when she just dropped the blade and just started balling her eyes out. Jane kept a hold of the towel she had wrapped around Maura's wrist and pulled her into a hug. A very tight hug. She was rubbing Maura's back trying to sooth her; trying to get her to calm down enough to tell her why.

                Jane just held her like that for a good half hour, checking very often to make sure Maura wasn't soaking the towel with blood. She didn't want to have to take Maura to the hospital. She knew she hated them, but if need be, Jane would make sure she got there. Maura's breathing started to slow down. Jane got a little worried because Maura's eyes were closed.

                “Maura?” Jane said quietly.

                “Hm?”

                “What did you do? What happened? You were happy when I left you at your locker to go to practice. What happened between then and now that you did this?”

                “A... A group of boys...football players...they cornered me... started saying how I was a nerd and nerds are losers and no guy would ever want me... that... that's when I said... I.. I didn't care... because I wasn't interested in boys...” Maura said through ragged sobs. “That's... when one of them... said it... the same thing... the same thing they said... that night... I flashed back to.. that night... I... couldn't breathe... one of them... they... pinned me against a locker... told me that I knew I liked it. That.. I wanted it.. I shutdown... it was like.. I could hear them... but nothing was registering in my mind... I vaguely remember someone yelling...a.. woman... then no one touching me.. then someone.. touching my shoulder... that's when I snapped... and pushed whomever it was and ran...” Maura stopped. She was crying again.

                “Mrs. Ramirez. That's who yelled. That's who touched your shoulder, the one you pushed. She ran out to the field to get me after you bolted. She was worried because you said 'it couldn't happen to you again' or something. She was confused. She knew we were close. When she told me about the boys and what you said, I ran here as fast as I could. I wish I had been faster so this wouldn't have happened.” Jane nodded toward the towel on Maura's wrist.

                “Jane. That isn't your fault. I did it because it was the only thing I know how to cope when things get bad. And I'm working on it, I really am. I'm trying, but it's such a hard problem to break. But this isn't your fault Jane.” Maura didn't notice that Jane had tears running down her cheek and on her shirt. She must have been crying the whole time.

                “I feel like it's my fault. I haven't been here for you. I haven't been around enough. If I had been, you would have me to talk to instead of cutting. I know you've been trying. I know. But you also keep trying to hide the cuts from me. You don't need to hide the cutting from me Maur. I'm hoping that you work on stopping it, but if you do it again, or think about doing it again, tell me. If you do it, tell me, show me. If you  are thinking about it, like you have the urges to do it, tell me. I want to help. I can't loose you Maura. You are my best friend and I love you.”

                “You don't know what it's like Jane. You don't know what I'm dealing w...” Maura got cut off by Jane.

                “Yes... Yes I do. I do know what you are going through. I do it too. I haven't done it in a year and a half but I do it, did it I guess. It's a battle. I made it through it though. I fought. You can do it too. I'm here. I will help you with anything and everything.”

                “How did I get so lucky to get a best friend that is so caring and loving? God.. I don't deserve this... Jane. I really don't.... Thank you though for being here for me.”

                “You don't have to thank me Maur.” Jane said tucking a strand of hair behind Maura's ear. “What do you say we take a look at that wrist of yours and see how bad it is?” Jane pulled away the towel. The cut had stopped bleeding. She ran and got the first aid kit from Maura's bathroom. “Let's clean it up. If it starts bleeding a lot after I do, you're getting it looked at.”

                “Jane. You're looking at it.” Maura said with a soft smile.

                “Well smartypants, I meant a medical professional. But from the looks of things, I can just put some gauze on it and it should be good.” Jane covered it for Maura. After it was taped down, Jane leaned down and kissed the top of the gauze. “See. Kisses makes things a little bit better.” That earned a laugh from Maura. Which helped things a lot. “So... I kind of ran out on practice. Is it ok if I run back and get my stuff? I'm coming right back though. It will make me feel better if I stay with you tonight.”

                “Jane. Go. Get your stuff. My driver can take you, if you want that is.”

                “That works. It'll be quicker too. I'll be right back.” Jane stood up and kissed Maura's forehead. “Why don't you change and lay down. When I come back we can talk more when I get back or we can take a nap. Ok?”

                “Ok.” Maura said. Jane walked out the door but Maura called to her. “Jane... thank you.”

                “You know you don't have to thank me, but you're welcome.”

                Jane made it to the school and back to Maura's in 10 minutes. She didn't change out of her workout clothes and was smelly and sticky from sweat. When Jane walked into Maura's room, Maura was in the bathroom taking a shower. Jane walked to the bathroom door and knocked opening it a crack so Maura could hear her talking.

                “Maur. I'm back. The driver was definitely a good idea.”

                “Good. I'll be out in a minute Jane. Do you need to shower?”

                “Um. Yeah. I'm kind of gross from running. Is that ok?”

                “Of course. I didn't want to say anything but you kind of smell.” Maura said that with a chuckle.

                “Smartypants... Ok, I'm going to find something to watch while you finish up.”

                Jane sat at Maura's desk. Everything that just happened in the last 2 hours finally caught up to her. She finally had time to think about what had happened. Jane felt guilty because she felt like she hasn't been spending enough time with Maura. She was also scared of losing her best friend and someone she loves and might be in love with. Jane was brought out of her thoughts with a bang from the bathroom. Before she could think she ran to the bathroom door and opened it. What she didn't expect to see was a towel clad Maura.

                “I knocked something over.” Maura said. She was practically naked in front of her best friend and she didn't know what to do. “I didn't mean to scare you.”

                “No. you're ok. I was spacing out and I heard the bang and I just acted before thinking and barged in. I didn't mean to. Sorry about that.”

                “No worries Jane. I'm sure it won't be the first or the last time one of us will see the other partially or completely naked. I'm just saying.”

                “I know. Why don't you get dressed and we can go lay on your big comfy bed and watch tv and maybe take a nap.”

                “That's a good plan. I like laying in my big comfy bed with you. But you should shower first.”

                “I know. I smell. I'll shower and steal some of your clothes and then we can lay down.”

                Jane got in the shower and took the worlds quickest shower in the world. She was in and out in 5 minutes. She didn't want to be away from Maura any longer than she needed to be. Maura was still in her towel trying to find something to wear when Jane came out in her towel. Jane walked into the closet knowing that that was where Maura would be.

                “If I didn't know any better, you're trying to get me into bed.” Jane smirked.

                “No. I'm not.” Maura turned her back to Jane so she wouldn't see the sadness and the want to actually be with Jane on her face.

                “Don't worry though Maur, You wouldn't have to try. I've already been in your bed anyway.” That made Maura chuckle.

                “You're funny. Can we get some clothes on? I'm getting cold.”

                “Yeah I am too. Clothes would be good.”

                They got dressed and laid down and turned on the tv. Jane put it on some random channel and just started to talking. Jane had Maura's hand in hers as she traced the band-aid that now covered Maura's wrist.

                “Ya know, that's kind of distracting.” Maura said watching Jane continue to trace the outline of the band-aid. “It tickles.”

                “Oh does it now? Where else are you ticklish?” Jane moved her hand so it was near Maura's side. “Are your sides... ticklish?” That's when Jane started tickling Maura's side. Both of them were laughing so hard that tears were in their eyes and Maura was squirming to get out of Jane's hold.

                “Jane... stop... I'm going to pee...my pants.. if you.. don't.” Maura said through squirms and laughs.

                “I could.. but this is funny.” Jane continued to tickle her. “But, I don't want pee on me so I'll stop.” With that Jane stopped her attacks on Maura's sides.

                Maura took a deep breath to calm down. “Thank you. I'm going to take a nap. You can to if you want.” She turned to her side to face away from Jane.

                “Nap sounds good.” Jane laid on her back and listened and waited to hear Maura's breathing to even out. When it did Jane rolled over and put her arm around Maura's waist and pulled her close. She kissed the side of Maura's head and whispered, “Please don't scare me like that ever again. I can't lose you. Not like that.” Tears were in Jane's eyes as she said that. She was scared. Jane couldn't imagine a life without Maura in it now. “Please.” She kissed the side of Maura's head again snuggled into Maura's back. Jane didn't know that Maura had woken up when Jane had turned over. She heard everything that Jane said to her. She wanted to roll over and tell Jane that she wouldn't ever leave her, but knew it was best not to because Jane said all that while she thought Maura was sleeping. So instead she just snuggled into Jane's hold more and drifted back to sleep.


	5. Who's Normal Anyway?

** Chapter 5 ~Who's Normal Anyway~ **

                It was 8pm when Jane woke up from her nap. Maura was still in her arms, but awake. When Jane realized that she had fallen asleep with Maura in her arms, she rolled over onto her back and hid her face which was now a dark shade of red with her arms.

                “Sorry.” Jane mumbled.

                Maura had already rolled over to face Jane as soon as she felt her letting her go. “It's ok.... it's not like...” she trailed off.

                “Not like what?”

                “It's happened before. Me.... waking up before you.... in your arms.... it's happened a couple of times before...”

                “Oh... jeez.... I'm sorry... I didn't... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable...”

                “I never said that... that you make me uncomfortable...honestly... I feel safe when I'm with you... like... when I'm with you, I don't want to ever leave you... every time I see you, I light up.... I'm the most happy when I see you, when I'm near you, when I'm snuggled up against you... I've never let anyone snuggle with me... after everything.... I never wanted to be touched... I would cry in my room and Wilma would come in and check on me and try to hold me but I wouldn't let her... I didn't like being touched because... I didn't want to feel like I was not in control... when I'm with you though... when you have your arms around me... I feel safe...” They both had tears rolling down their cheeks now.

                “Wow... that's... that's a huge...step... and the fact that it's me you let hold you... that's... awesome...” Jane didn't know what to say, but that earned a chuckle from both of them though.

                “Yeah... it is.” Maura's stomach gurgled. “Can we go make some dinner?.. I'm starving... I was going to get up and make us dinner before you woke up and surprise you.... but I was comfortable.”

                “God, food would be awesome right now!”

                They went down stairs and made mac and cheese. Something Jane insisted on Maura having in her house because it was just delicious and it was easy to make. Jane got out some bowls and got them drinks and sat them on the table. They sat and ate in comfortable silence. Jane's mind was racing though. It always seemed to be that way when ever she was around Maura. She was curious about everything that had to do with the blonde. She had a million things she wanted to talk to Maura about.

                “Hey Maur, can I ask you something?” She was moving the noodles around in her bowl with her spoon not looking up at Maura.

                “Anything Jane, you know that.”

                “Have you ever... been with a girl... like... in general?”

                “Yes. I dated a girl... last summer. I met her at the camp I went to. It was... fun.”

                “So... did you ever.... you know.... with her?”

                “Have sex?”

                “Yeah.”

                “No. The way I saw it was that we were both only going to be freshmen... we were too young to have sex. And I want my first time to be with someone I love and care about.... I don't want to do it with someone just because... I don't want to get hurt.”

                “It wouldn't matter to me either way, but I'm glad you're waiting for the right time... I feel the same way too... I'm not going to give it up to someone and have my heart broken. We have the rest of high school to get through, the last thing we need is to mess with our emotions and do it with someone and regret it... that's the last thing someone needs; distractions. God knows we both have a lot of things to deal with, girls are the last thing we need to add.”

                “Wait.... just girls?”

                “I mean, yeah guys too, but I don't know... can we just not talk about it? I don't want to say anything until I'm sure about some things...”

                Maura got up from the table and went around to Jane's chair and crouched down next to her. “Hey... I was joking with you... well I thought I was... but Jane, you can tell me anything, even if it's something that you are unsure about... we can work through things; talk it out. It may help you... I know that it helps me when I talk things out... but if you don't want to yet I understand that.”

                “It's not that I don't want to talk about what I'm uncertain about... it's just that... I don't want things to change between us... like bad change... I don't want to make things weird... god knows we don't exactly act like normal best friends do.” Maura looked at Jane confused so Jane continued. “Meaning the sleeping together, the cuddling and snuggling.... the touching... the occasional... kisses on your head... and cheek...”

                “So what? We aren't normal people Jane... there is no definition for normal. So what we sleep together and cuddle.... who cares? As long as we are both comfortable with it.. it shouldn't matter... The only changes that will happen will good changes... nothing bad will happen to make us not be friends anymore... I promise.”

                “Ok... fine... we can talk about it... I guess... I think I may be into girls... even before knowing you... I've thought about it, what it would be like to be with a girl.... and then getting to know you more... makes me think about my true feelings... and who I like...”

                “So what you're telling me is that... you're confused?”

                “I guess. Maybe. I feel like it's more of a denial thing then confused though... like all my life I've grown up in a catholic family... granted we do live in Massachusetts but still... strict Catholics still believe being gay is a sin and while I accept that being gay may be a sin to some people, to me it is just love... I guess I'm in denial because I'm scared... I'm scared of what my family will say or do... I'm just scared.”

                “It's ok to be scared Jane. But I am here. I will help you through this. And when it comes time to tell your parents... I will help you with that. Ok?”

                “Ok.”


	6. Unexpected Visit

** Chapter 6 ~Unexpected Visit~ **

                The next couple of months went by really fast. It was the week before Christmas break and everyone was itching to get out and be on vacation. Maura had made some big progress with the cutting and hadn't cut in about 2 months; a big milestone for her. Jane started talking to the her guidance counselor at school, Mrs. Robbins, and she helped Jane work through what she was feeling, and all though it took time to admit it, her feelings toward Maura. She knew she wasn't ready to tell her parents yet, but she was ready to say it; to say those 2 words.

                “I'm gay.” Jane said when Maura woke up that morning. It was the weekend and Jane was done with softball until mid-January so she was spending almost every weekend with Maura, actually, every free moment.

                “Me too!” Maura said all excited.

                “God, that was, I said it out loud! It's different when you're just saying to yourself but when you say it to someone else... it makes things real.”

                “Yeah. It's a great feeling.”

                “Definitely.” Jane rolled to face Maura now. “I'm not ready to tell my parents yet though.”

                “And that's ok. You just took 2 huge steps.... and this is all new... and you don't wanna rush it.”

                “Yeah you're right... It can just be our thing... 2 gay best friends.... oh I can hear the jokes now!”

                “Oh.” Maura's face turned instantly to scared. It obviously didn't go unnoticed to Jane.

                “Hey... I'm not going to go around with a huge sign or anything and show off my gayness, not yet anyway.” They both chuckled at that. “Seriously... this is new... and I just want to share it with you and you only for right now... well actually you and Mrs. Robbins, but it's her job to listen to me talk about everything. I'm not going to hide it either... the way I see it, if it comes up... then I'll say something.... I'm not going to make a big deal about it. I'm still the same person I have been since I was born.”

                “That's sounds... like a really good plan. It's a great idea.... You know... I don't think gayness is a real word.”

                “Well if it isn't then I am making it a word!”

                “Ok.” Maura was laughing at how excited Jane was for possibly making up a new word. “Let's go make some breakfast.” _Gosh Jane is so adorable... If I wasn't so terrified of what would happen, I would kiss her right now._

                Maura and Jane got up and was met at the top of the stairs by Wilma coming from the bathroom. “Good Morning Wilma.” Jane said. Jane has grown to love Wilma for all she has done for her best friend.

                “Morning Jane... Maura there's something I need...” Wilma was cut off by clatter of dishes downstairs and Maura cutting in.

                “Wilma who's here?” Maura had an idea... but she was hoping that she was wrong. She wasn't wrong though because what she heard next only confirmed her suspicions.

                “Maura, sweetheart, come down here and have breakfast with me.” Maura's mother, Constance, yelled from the kitchen.

                “No.. what... what is she doing here!” Maura said to Wilma

                “I don't know hun... I tried to get it out of her but she wouldn't budge and I was going to wake you up and tell you when she got here, but you looked so peaceful sleeping and I didn't have the heart to wake you.”

                “Well, I wanna know.” Jane said. “I hope I'm not overstepping here Maur, but the way she's been treating you... I just... I don't want you to get hurt... I don't want you to hurt.”

                “There's only one way to find out then.... Let's go downstairs.... all of us.” Jane and Wilma both nodded and they headed down the stairs.

                When Maura got to the kitchen and saw her mother all she could say was one thing. “Mother. What are you doing here?”

                “To see you of course! I haven't talked to you in months!”

                “ _That_ would be because _you_ didn't want _anything_ to do with me after I came out to you. _I_ made an effort to try and talk to you, but _you_ were always too busy for me so I gave up!”

                “Do not speak to me like that! I am your mother! Obviously you are still stuck on this idea of thinking it's ok to be with another female! It is gross and not normal and it isn't how I raised you!”

                “Raised me?! You didn't raise me! You were never home! You were always traveling! I think Wilma was more of a mother to me than you! What right do you have after all these months? You don't! You weren't there for me at all especially when I needed you the most! You weren't there for me after the rape, after the trial, when I needed my mother the most!”

                “I am your mother! That is how I have the right! And who is this anyway!?” Maura's mother said pointing to Jane. “Who is she? Your little _girlfriend_?” That was enough for Jane. She couldn't just stand there anymore.

                “Hey! You are seriously out of line! You are her mother! You shouldn't be treating her like this! And regardless of who I am to Maura should not matter to you! At least she has me and Wilma here for her, when she has needed it the most! Unlike you!”

                “This is none of your business! You have no right to speak to me like that!”

                “And you have the right to speak to Maura like that? You have been nothing to Maura in months! You are supposed to be her mother! Mothers do not treat their kids like this!” Maura cut Jane off mid rant.

                “I'm done! You never wanted me! You only took me because you felt like you needed a child so you could compete with all your friends! I'm done! Until you accept me for who I am, I don't want to see you, hear from you... I want nothing! I am done!” Maura ran up stairs to her room. Jane and Wilma still stood there with Constance.

                “She's right you know. You have not been a mother to her. You've never been a mother to her really.” Wilma said. She was the only one who stayed calm the whole time.

                “I can't believe you! You have been letting her live like this! Letting _her_ be around Maura; probably encouraging her to act like this!”

                “Yes. I have. You want to know why? Because Maura is happy! Maura being around Jane makes her so happy because she finally has a best friend and one that accepts her for who she is.”

                “Happy? More like rebellious! If she wasn't friends with _her_ she would never speak to me the way she just did!” Constance said. “You know what? I am not staying here if this is how she is going to be! I will find a hotel to stay at!” With that she went down the hall to her bedroom got her suitcase and left.

                Jane and Wilma just sat down at the table, processing what just happened. “What did Maura mean? When she said that her mom didn't want her?” Jane was the first to speak.

                “Hun. Maura was adopted.”

                “Oh.”

                “She doesn't know who her biological parents are though. I don't know if she wants to find out or not.”

                “If I was her... I would want to know... just because... I would want to know where I came from and my background... but that's just me.... and I'm pretty sure I'm not adopted though... There's no way I couldn't be a Rizzoli though and though ya know?”

                “Yes. I understand. If the time comes and she wants to find out, I will help her.”

                “Yeah me too.” Jane sighed. “Speaking of which, I'm gunna go upstairs and check on Maura.”

                “Ok. Let me know if you need anything.”

                Jane went upstairs to find that the door to Maura's room was shut. She knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. There as nothing. She knocked again but opened it to peak in. What she saw was not what she was expecting. Jane ran through the door yelling to Wilma for help. Tears in her eyes. Scared out of her mind.


	7. There was Just so Much

** Chapter 7 ~There was Just So Much~ **

                Jane was in the waiting room in the hospital for over an hour. She couldn't sit still and just paced back and forth waiting to hear about Maura. She had called her Ma on her way there to tell her where she was going. Instead of being the overbearing mother she normally was, she just asked what Jane needed her to do.

                “What is taking so long! Why don't we know anything yet?” Jane said, worry painted all over her face.

                “Jane come sit... It's only been just over an hour. The nurse said the doctor would come talk to us as soon as he was done.”

                “I can't sit. I feel helpless and I hate that feeling. I can't sit.”

                Jane's mom walked in a few minutes later. “Jane.”

                “Ma.” That was all Jane could say before running up to her mother and hugging her, breaking down completely for the first time that afternoon. She just stood in her mother's arms, crying until she couldn't cry any longer.

                “Jane, sweetie, what happened? Why are you in scrubs?”

                “There was so much of it Ma. It was all over the place. I was covered in it. The nurse gave me these to change into.”

                “Covered in what Janie?”

                “Blood Ma. There was so much. Maura. She was so pale. She looked like a ghost when I found her. Ma. I was so scared.... I still am... what if..” Jane's mom cut her off before she could finish.

                “There's no what if's Jane... Maura will be ok... She will pull through.”

                That's when the doctor walked in. “Mrs. Miller... you're Maura's guardian correct?”

                “Wilma please. And yes. I am.”

                “Ok. Well is it ok to speak freely in front of them?” Gesturing towards Jane and her mother.

                “Yes. Anything you say can be said to Jane and her mother. Jane is Maura's best friend.”

                “Ok. Well Jane why don't you come over here and sit and we can talk.” Jane walked over and sat down. Her mother stood behind Jane's chair. “As you know, Maura came in with 2 deep lacerations to her wrists. She lost a lot of blood. We went to start her on fluids and a blood transfusion when her heart stopped, likely from the loss of blood. We got the blood and fluids in her and we put a tube in her throat to help her breathe, but she was down for about 4 minutes before we got her heart to start back up. When there is a lack of oxygen to the brain... There's a possibility that she may not wake up... but it's a small possibility... and if she does wake up, she may not remember some things... or she will wake up and her brain will be fine... what I am saying is that it's all about time... we will give her 6 hours and if she doesn't wake up we will do an exam to test her brain function... depending on what that says will be how we proceed. It could take her anywhere from a few hours to a day or 2 for her to wake up... her body needs to recuperate.”

                Jane had silent tears running down her face. “I need to see her.”

                “You can see her. I will have a nurse come in and get you when she is moved.”

                “Thanks.” That was all Jane could say. The doctor got up and left. 10 minutes later, the nurse came in and brought Wilma and Jane to Maura's room. Jane's mom stayed in the waiting room. Jane was prepared for the worst when she was walking to Maura's room. What she saw though wasn't what she expected.

                “She's not as pale as before... She looks... better.... not ghost like...” Jane said.

                “Yes. She does look... better. That's good... She's a fighter.. she will make it through this... she will wake up and come back to us...”

                “She is. The way she stood up for herself... She is a fighter.”

                They sat in a chair on both sides of Maura's bed... waiting... praying that Maura would wake up. They had sat there for 2 hours with no change. Jane's mom came in to tell her that she was going to go home and if she needed anything to call her and she would come right back.

                It was 5pm when Wilma told Jane she was going to go and get some food and coffee and would bring Jane something back, knowing that Jane was not going to leave her side. When Wilma left, Jane just sat there, holding Maura's hand, rubbing circles on the top of it.

                “Come on Maur... Wake up.... you have to. There's so much you still need to experience.. so much we both need to experience together.” Jane pulled Maura's hand to her mouth and placed a soft kiss on it. “Come back to me Maur. Please. I know it sounds selfish, but come back to me... wake up for me. Please.”

                The 6 hour mark came at 8pm. The nurse came in to check on Maura. The look on the nurse's face made Jane worried and confused because she couldn't tell what the look meant. 5 minutes later the doctor came in, looked at the monitors, and listened to Maura's chest.

                “Well... I have some good news... She's breathing over the ventilator...” the doctor said.

                “Meaning?” Jane and Wilma said in unison.

                “Meaning... she's breathing on her own. I'm going to take the tube out right now and then we are going to give her another hour to see if she wakes up before we perform the brain test... This is really good news.”

                “Thank you doctor.” Wilma said.

                The doctor took the tube out of Maura's throat and watched for any changes... good or bad. He made sure her heart rate stayed the same and she continued to breathe without any trouble. When he knew there was no change to the two, he left giving Jane and Wilma a half smile knowing now it was all about time, but knew that in the end she would wake up soon.

                The hour passed and the nurse came back in with the doctor and a machine. It was time for the brain test... to check and see if there was any brain activity or if in fact the lack of oxygen to her brain had caused permanent damage and she wasn't going to wake up. The nurse and the doctor hooked Maura up to the machine with a whole bunch of wires. The doctor stood there as the test began and the machine started printing out a sheet of paper. Jane just assumed that paper was the results. He just stood there for a minute staring at the paper as it printed.

                When the paper stopped printing out, he tore it off and looked at it then looked up. “Well. I have more good news... There is brain activity. Now it's just a matter of time. From the looks of things she sustained little damage or none at all. This is good.”

                Jane and Wilma nodded and went back to sitting, waiting for Maura to wake up. At 11pm Jane told Wilma to go home and get clothes for them both and get some rest and that she would call if anything changed. Wilma agreed to getting clothes for them, but wasn't sure about getting rest.

                Jane fell asleep in the chair with her head down resting next to Maura's hand; her hand still on Maura's. At 1:30am Jane was woken up. She opened her eyes but just blinked looking down at the bed trying to regain the focus in her eyes. That's when she felt it, then saw it..


	8. I Don't Remember

** Chapter 8 ~I Don't Remember~ **

                _I need to wake up, but I can't. Not yet. Once I do, I'm back to reality. I'm not ready yet. Just a little longer._ Maura was dreaming that she was talking to Jane. Jane was standing right in front of her just listening to her, not saying a word.

                _Wake up for me._ She heard Jane's voice, but Jane's mouth wasn't moving. _I need you to wake up for me._

                _I will wake up for you Jane. I will. I promise. I will._ She moved her fingers.

                “Maura? Maura? Come on.. wake up... come on... you can do it...” Jane had tears in her eyes about to escape. “Open your eyes... please..” She said that in a whisper.

                That's when it happened. Maura's eyes fluttered open. She blinked a few times, trying to figure out where she was.

                “What...” She couldn't get the rest out. Her throat was too dry.

                “Hang on... let me get you some water.” Jane poured Maura some water and gave it to her.

                “Thanks.... What happened...” Maura looked down at her gauze covered wrists. “What did I do?”

                “You... you tried to... kill yourself.” The tears in Jane's eyes now escaped, running down her cheeks. “How much do you remember?”

                “I remember last night, you spent the night and we had so much fun, then I remember this morning, you told me... that you were gay...” Maura said the last part in a whisper. “And that's it... what made me do this?”

                “After we got up, we were going to go get breakfast, and your mom was downstairs in the kitchen. You and her got into a fight about your gayness and implied that I was more than a friend and that she didn't like any of it. You told her that you thought she never wanted you and that she only wanted you because she just wanted to compete with her friends.... Then you said she never raised you and that Wilma was more of a mother to you than she was. That's when I stepped in because I had enough. I told her she was out of line and that she was your mother and that she shouldn't talk to you like she was. You took off and went upstairs and she was still yelling at me and then Wilma. Wilma stayed calm and just talked, but your mom didn't want to hear it and left. I was going to go up and check on you right then and there but Martha and I kept talking after your mom left. I didn't know what you meant when you said she only took you because she wanted to compete with her friends... Wilma told me you were adopted... then I said I was going to check on you and when I got to your room your door was shut so I knocked and looked in and I saw you...” Jane had more tears going down her eyes now. “You were... passed out... there was so... so much blood... you were.. barely breathing... Wilma called an ambulance... they got there so quick, but it felt like... forever... and I thought I lost you... I was so scared.” Jane and Maura were both sobbing. Jane had gotten up and had her arms wrapped around Maura, holding her tight. “Then the doctors said your heart stopped because of the loss of blood and that because of the lack of oxygen to your brain when that happened you could have never woken up...they had to do tests... I was so relieved when the doctor said there was brain activity and that they were taking the tube out of your throat.” Jane was sobbing more.

                “I wasn't going to leave you. I could never leave you, Jane. You are my best friend and I love you.”

                “I love you too, Maur.” Jane was wiping the tears off of Maura's face, then her own. “Why don't we call the nurse.. that way they know that you are awake and then I will call Wilma so you can get some rest. You need sleep.” Jane reached and pressed the call button on the bed. The nurse came in right away.

                “You're awake!” The nurse, Santana, said. “How are you feeling?” She had her pocket light out now, looking into Maura's eyes.

                “All things considered.... I feel ok... I couldn't remember why I.... did it.” Maura said, moving her wrists to show what she meant. “Jane told me what happened.... honestly... I don't know what I was thinking... It was so stupid.... I shouldn't have done it...”

                “You're ok now though. You are awake and you will get better. I promise.” Jane said.

                “You will get better Maura. You have a great support system. Jane here hasn't left your side since you got here, and Wilma would still be here if Jane hadn't made her go home and rest. You will pull through.” Santana said. “Now, I'm going to go get the doctor, and then I'm going to go call up to the psych ward and tell them you're awake so that someone can come down and talk to you...” Maura's face went blank. All she wanted was to get out of the hospital and the sooner the better. “It's all precautionary and standard. Just be honestly with them and you will be ok.” Maura just nodded and Santana just walked out of the room.

                “I'm going to go call Wilma... and my ma. You ok to be alone? I can't use my cell in the room.” Jane didn't want to leave Maura if she was scared. Maura had only been awake for about 20 minutes and she wasn't sure how Maura was feeling; what was going on in her head.

                “Yeah. I'll be fine. Go.” Maura really didn't want Jane to leave her sight. She was terrified of hospitals. She didn't want to let go of Jane's hand. She felt like it was the one thing that was keeping grounded.

                “You sure?” Maura just nodded. “Ok. I'll be quick. I promise.” Jane stood and kissed Maura on the top of the head.

                Jane went down to the waiting room to call Wilma. It was just starting to hit her, the severity of everything, and how she could have lost her best friend, how lucky she was to have woken up.

                The phone rang twice before Wilma picked up. _“Jane? What happened? Is she ok?”_ Wilma said as when she picked up.

                “Everything's fine. Maura is ok. She's awake.”

                _“She's awake?”_

                “She's awake. She woke up about 20 minutes ago.”

                _“That's wonderful.”_

                “It is. She doesn't remember the fight with her mom though. I told her what happened.”

                _“It might just be her brain blocking it out...I'll be there in a little bit. Let me just get dressed and I will be there soon.”_

                “Ok. I'll see you soon.” With that Jane hung up and called her mom.

                _“Jane. Sweetheart, it's the middle of the night. Is everything ok? Is Maura ok?”_

“Yeah. Maura's awake. She woke up Ma.”

                _“Oh sweetie. That's wonderful news. How is she feeling?”_

“I don't know honestly. She's terrified of hospitals so I'm sure she is freaking out at least a little.”

                _“That's understandable. Do you need anything Janie? I can come if you need me.”_

“I'm good. I'm good. Depending on how Maura feels in the morning and what the docs say, I might come home and change and shower and lay down for a little bit. I'll call you in the morning though either way and tell you what's going on. Ok?”

                _“Ok sweetheart. Try to rest. I know it's a huge weight off your chest knowing that she's awake. I love you.”_

“I love you too Ma.” Jane hung up and walked back to Maura's room. When she got to the door there was a doctor in with Maura that she didn't recognize. She assumed it was the doctor from the psych ward. Jane waited outside her room until the doctor came out.

                “Hey.” Maura said with a slight smile as Jane walked in.

                “Hey yourself.” Jane paused. “So... was that the doc from the psych ward?”

                “Actually, the social worker. She asked a whole bunch of questions and wrote things down and said that the doctor was going to look it over and talk with her and decide what to do next.”

                “Oh... so..” Jane didn't know what to do or say to her best friend. “Do you want to talk about it? What you said or whatever?”

                “She just asked me basic questions, like if I was thinking about hurting myself again or thinking about...ending my life again... if I had thought about it before.... if I had made a plan...” Maura was getting tired again. She hadn't been awake that long and was already getting question after question thrown at her and it was making her tired. She went for Jane's hand, which was sitting on the bed, to hold it.

                “Oh... So what did you say?”

                “I said no to all of the questions.... and I told her that I couldn't remember doing it or why I did it and that you had filled me in about what happened. She said it was an emotional response to the trauma.”

                “It makes sense. So... you don't want to hurt yourself again?”

                “No, Jane. I honestly can't believe I did it. I've been working hard on not doing it at all and I'm finally happy with my life and I have the world's greatest best friend. I acted on anger and impulse. I wasn't planning on doing it... I just did it...”

                “World's greatest best friend huh?” Jane chuckled a little, which made Maura do so too.

                “Out of all that you just got that part?”

                “No. I listened to what you said. I was just trying to make you laugh and smile. I'm happy that you are happy and I'm so glad you woke up. I can understand the anger and impulse thing... that was my problem too.”

                “Yeah? Seriously we are like the twisted sisters... dark and twisty but oh so awesome and fun.”

                “Oh my gosh. Dude did they put you on drugs or something? Twisted sisters? More like 2 peas in a pod. That's what makes our bond strong. We are similar and we understand each other... but I do agree with the awesome and fun part though.” They both chuckled. “Seriously though... are you tired? Do you need to rest?”

                “I'm tired but I don't want to go to sleep. Maybe I could just rest and watch some tv?”

                “Ok.” Jane said standing up to grab the remote and to pull the chair closer to the bed.

                “Jane..... this is going to sound... dumb... but... if I scooted over toward the edge of the bed.... could you lay with me? Just for a little bit?”

                “Of course I will Maur... I'll lay with you for as long as you need.” Maura moved over to give Jane room to lay down. Jane kicked off her sneakers and pulled the thing blanket down to get under the covers.

                As soon as Jane got comfortable, Maura laid her head down on Jane's chest put her arm over Jane's stomach... pulling her close... taking in the smell that was oh so Jane. She needed to make sure she was alive... or at least awake and wasn't still dreaming. She knew she wasn't dreaming because in her dreams, Jane was ice cold and showed no emotion.

                They laid like that for a couple of hours. Maura and Jane both drifted in and out of sleep. The doctor had come in to talk to Maura. He told her that as long as the cuts on her wrists didn't look like they were infected or going to get infected, she was going to be released in the morning but had an appointment with her therapist that afternoon. She was very grateful to be getting out of the hospital. All she wanted to do was spend time with Jane, in her bed, snuggled up into her, watching movies all day. Maura just wanted to get back to a normal routine. She knew it wasn't going to be easy.


	9. I Wish You Knew

** Chapter 9 ~I Wish You Knew~ **

                “Hey... you ok?” Jane asked Maura as she sat down next to her on Maura's couch. It was evening and Maura had just gotten back from her appointment with her therapist. Jane had went home to shower and change while Maura was there.

                “Uh... yeah, just thinking.”

                “About what?”

                “Everything... how crazy it's been for me the past few years... how crazy the past week has been... how I could be... how much I could have hurt you... if I hadn't made it...”

                “But you did make it Maur.... that's all that matters... I don't want to think about what it would be like if you hadn't made it... it hurts too much... The only thing we can do now is take it one day at a time.. me and you... like I said from the beginning.. we are in this together... I'm not going anywhere.... and neither are you...” Jane wrapped her arm around Maura and pulled her close, kissing her on the forehead. “So... what did the therapist say?”

                “We just talked about everything that has happened... when I can go back to school... you...”

                “Me?” Jane looked confused and worried. She didn't know where this conversation was going to go and she was excited and afraid all at the same time.

                “Yeah... how awesome you have been for me and how you haven't left my side this whole time... She said you're a keeper.” Maura's face turned red at the last part, but Jane didn't see it because she had her head sitting on Jane's shoulder.

                “You're a keeper too... So. When are you going back to school?”

                “Um... not until after Christmas break. My therapist seems to think that jumping back into school will stress me out and trigger the cutting... I guess I understand that.”

                “Well then it looks like we just started our Christmas break 3 days early!”

                “Yeah... wait, we?”

                “I talked to my Ma and the principal and Mrs. Robbins. I told them that I didn't want to go back until you did because I wanted to be here with you and help you. They all agreed that it might make things easier for you.. So unless you have any objections to it... I'm staying with you until Christmas Eve, then we are going to my house and we are doing Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, together.”

                “That... Jane, thank you... you're amazing and selfless...”

                “We're in this together. And besides even if you weren't so up to the idea I would have just tickled you until you caved and said yes anyway.” Jane tickled Maura's side a little, making her flinch away from Jane's hand.

                “Not if I tickle you first.” Maura, in one swift motion, had Jane pinned to the couch and was on top of her, tickling Jane's sides. They were laughing so hard and Maura's weight couldn't hold her for much longer and she fell gently on top of Jane. They were laughing and trying to catch their breaths. Maura's head was in the crook of Jane's neck. Jane could feel Maura breathing on her neck and was trying her hardest not to kiss Maura right then and there.

                “You are so mean!” Jane said still laughing.

                “I know. I figured we both needed a good laugh, so I seized the opportunity. It felt awesome to just laugh.”

                “Yeah. I get it. At least we will have abs of steal now from that amount of laughing we just did.”

                “Jane.. there's no way to get abs made of steal.. unless..” Jane cut her off.

                “Maur.. it's a saying.”

                “Oh. Ok... I get it now that I thought about it.”

                “Wow.. definitely blonde...”

                Maura looked puzzled. “Is that another one of your sayings?”

                “Yeah. I think it's funnier seeing the look on your face when you are trying to understand the things I say because you take them so literal. Sometimes it's better than the actual sarcasm!”

                “Well I'm glad I'm entertaining for you.” Maura said pushing Jane in the should playfully.

                “And I'm not entertaining to you? I see how excited you got at my games!”

                “I never said you never entertained me with the things you do. And I loved watching you play... Soccer and Softball are 2 sports I actually understand... softball I understand more.... I'm definitely a stereotypical lesbian when it comes to sports.”

                “Wait you know about the whole 'lesbians play softball' stereotype, but you don't understand most of my sarcastic jokes? Seriously?”

                “I did research when I was trying to figure out what was going on with me! Hello scientific method!”

                “Of course.” Jane said rolling her eyes but smiling. Maura knew Jane was just messing with her. Maura thought it was actually super cute how Jane was with her. “So why don't we order pizza?”

                “Yes! I have wanted pizza since I woke up in the hospital.”

                “Ok. The usual?” The usual was a large pizza with half mushroom and half pepperoni.

                “Do you have to ask? Duh the usual.”

                Jane ordered the pizza and when it came they sat in the living room watching tv and just talking about Christmas and Jane's brothers and how annoying they were. It was like their usual pizza nights, which Jane thought was great because at least something was still the same even after Maura being in the hospital.

                “Did you get a new body wash or something?” Maura asked.

                “Uh... yeah, new body wash. Why?”

                “When we were having our little tickle fight and I landed on top of you I could smell it on you... It smelt delicious. Was it vanilla?”

                “Yeah. I love vanilla. I don't like to wear perfume, but I like to smell good. So I just use awesome smelling body wash.”

                “Nice. I like vanilla too.”

                They sat in silence watching tv for a little longer until Jane started to get tired. “I'm getting tired. Do you want to go to bed?” Jane asked.

                “Yeah. I'm not tired yet but maybe if I go upstairs and lay with you it will make me sleepy.”

                “Ok.”

                They went up stairs and got into their pajamas and laid down in Maura's bed. Both Jane and Maura were laying side by side until Jane turned over and was looking at Maura watching her just stare at the ceiling. Jane could tell she was thinking and she didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing for her to be but Jane just let her stare and think. Instead, Jane scooted closer to Maura and laid her head on Maura' shoulder. Jane snuggling into Maura like that has happened before, but it was more rare because it was usually the other way around.

                Jane put her arm over Maura's stomach and sighed. “Whatever you're thinking about, don't think for to long and get some sleep. I would hate to see what you are like with little sleep.”

                That earned a chuckle from Maura. “You go to sleep. I'm sure I'll fall asleep soon.”

                “Ok. Night Maur.”

                “Night.”

                Jane drifted off to sleep quickly after that, but Maura continued to stare at the ceiling until she was pulled out of her thinking by Jane rolling over onto her back. She looked at Jane and smiled, thinking how cute she looked when she was asleep. She rolled over to her side, leaning on her elbow to just lay there and watch Jane sleep. That was when she got a daring idea. Maura leaned over and looked at Jane's sleeping face. That's when she leaned down getting centimeters to Jane's lips and whispering, “I love you. More than you can imagine.” She placed a soft kiss on Jane's lips. Jane only stirred a little and when she was sure Jane hadn't woken up, Maura whispered again. “I hope some day you will be mine.” With that Maura rolled back over onto her back and willed herself to fall asleep. She kept thinking about how much she wished Jane was awake so she could know how Jane would have reacted as she drifted off to sleep.


	10. Nightmares and Dreams

** Chapter 10 ~Nightmares and Dreams~ **

                The next morning Jane and Maura were asleep side by side, facing each other. They were literally inches from each other and when Jane woke up she could feel Maura's breath on her face. Instantly Jane smiled because she had her best friend that closer to her. Jane rolled onto her back and pulled Maura closer. Maura instantly put her arm around Jane's stomach and settled into the crook of Jane's neck, drifting back into a deeper sleep. Jane closed her eyes again and fell back to sleep, only to be pulled into a nightmare.

                _“I'm sorry Wilma, Jane. We tried everything we could. The amount of blood she lost was too much. She didn't make it.” The doctor said to Jane and Wilma_

_“Noooo. No. This. No. She can't be gone. She can't be.” Jane said. She was full on crying now. “I need to see her. Let me.... see her. Please.”_

_“Ok. But only for a minute.” The doctor stood up and led Jane and Wilma down the hall. Wilma couldn't bring herself to go in so she waited out in the hall. Jane walked up to Maura's lifeless body and took her hand._

_“How could I let this happen? This shouldn't have happened. We didn't get to have our life together. I know you loved me like I love you.” Jane said in a whisper. The doctor had stepped outside to give Jane her privacy. She sat in silence for a few more minutes until the doctor came in._

_“Jane. I need you to come with me now. They need to take Maura away now.” the doctor said in a low caring voice._

_“No. No. This isn't happening. This isn't real. No.” Jane was crying hard again. The doctor was behind Jane now and put her arms around Jane and pulled her up and away. Jane was fighting against her...._

                Jane was tossing and turning in bed as the dream went on. Maura woke up to the motion and tried to wake Jane up.

                “Jane. Wake up.” Maura said. “Wake up Jane.”

                Jane started talking in her sleep. “No. She can't be dead. No.”

                “Jane. It's just a dream. Wake up!” Maura had her hands on Jane's shoulders trying to gently wake her up, but it wasn't working. She shook Jane with a little more force this time. “Jane Wake up!” Maura practically was yelling trying to get her to wake. It worked though. Jane shot up and sat up and gasped. Then she started to cry. Maura wrapped her arms around Jane and let her cry.

                A few minutes passed before Jane spoke. “You died. In my dream, you didn't make it.”

                “Jane it was only a dream. I'm here. I'm safe. I'm never going to leave you. Not like that. I promise. You're stuck with me until you either don't want to be my best friend or we die of old age. Even if we both get married and have 10 kids, unless you don't want to be in my life, we will be best friends forever. I'm not leaving Jane. Never.”

                “I don't ever want to not be your best friend Maur.” Jane sobbed. “You're everything to me.”

                “I know Jane. Trust me. I know. But nothing is going to happen to either of us. We are LLBFFs.”

                Jane chuckles. “What?”

                “LLBFFs; Life Long Best Friends Forever.”

                “Maur.... it's just BFFs. The LL part is kinda redundant with the forever part” Jane and Maura both chuckle.

                “You're right, but I still like the sound of it. It makes us sound cooler.”

                “Trust me. We do not need to be any cooler. We are like ice cube cool.”

                “Whatever you say Jane. What do you say we go make us some breakfast?” Maura started to get out of bed as she was talking.

                “Wait. I'll make breakfast. You stay here... and... I'll.. bring it to you.” Jane said, blushing a little.

                “Oooh. Breakfast in bed. If I didn't know any better, Rizzoli, you're trying to get into my pants.” Maura said with a smirk, sliding back into bed.

                “Technically... you're wearing my shorts... and no... I'm not... not yet anyway.” Jane smirked and winked then turned and walked out of Maura's bedroom.

                Maura started thinking about how much her and Jane spend time together and how it was like Jane practically lived with Maura. She smiled at the thought of living with Jane. Even though they were only still in high school, she knew that they would end up moving in together when they went off to UW. Maura just hoped that when they do end up living together, they'll be together.

                Her mind switched to another thought. She was now thinking about how she surprised Jane a couple weeks back after Jane came over after helping her dad with some pluming problem.

                _Maura opened the door to let Jane in. “Jane. I gave you a key for a reason. That way you don't have to knock every time you come over.”_

_“I know Maur. It's just.... different because I don't live here, but I feel like I do.. I don't know how to explain it. Besides, I left my keys in my backpack upstairs. I couldn't even get into my own house when I went over there.” They were heading up the stairs now to Maura's bedroom._

_“You spend most of, if not all, of your time here. It's like your second home. So, don't feel weird using your key. That's what I gave it to you.” They walked into Maura's room. Jane walked into Maura's closet to get a change of clothes out of the basket she left them in._

_“Maur? Where's the basket that has some of my clothes in it?” Jane said walking out of the closet._

_“Ah. They are right here.” Maura pulled out the top right drawer and the next one under it. “Some of them are also hanging up in the closet.... I figured, you practically live here so why not have a place to put your clothes besides in a laundry basket.”_

_“Really Maur? Thanks.” Jane walked over to the dresser to grab a tank top and shorts. “Wait... Did you do this to be nice? Or is this your way of telling me that you're attracted to me and you want me to move in?” They both chuckled._

_“Just go get changed.” Maura said with a wink._

                Maura was pulled out of her day dream by Jane talking. “What are you thinking about in that big brain of yours?” Jane walked in with a tray with 2 glasses of juice and a plate with enough eggs and bacon for the both of them.

                “Just thinking about stuff.... And that looks delicious.”

                “I hope you mean the eggs and bacon because I'm pretty sure you can't eat me.” She said with a wink. “Here. Eat up.”

                “We're sharing right because I can't eat all this.”

                “No. I'm just trying to make you fat... Yes we're sharing. I'm starving. Crying does that to me.” Jane said taking a sip of her glass of juice. “I don't know why. It's just always how it's been. Well maybe it's because when I was younger, no matter what time it was, if I was crying for some reason my ma would make me breakfast food. It used to be bunny shaped pancakes when I was really younger, but then it turned to eggs and bacon.”

                “Which is why you made eggs and bacon for us. I get it. It's cute.” Maura said with a smile.

                “Oh great. Cute! I'm cute. There goes my Big Bad Rizzoli rep I have going.” she said laugh.

                “Well you're cute too, but I meant it's cute that your mom did that for you when you were younger.” Maura wasn't smiling anymore.

                Jane's smile disappeared. “Hey... sorry.. I shouldn't have brought that up.”

                “No. It's ok. We grew up differently. Yeah it sucked that my parents aren't around like yours are, but I can't change that now. And I like hearing stories about when you were little. I get to see a side of you that no one else has gotten to see when you tell me them. When they're cute stories... you light up and I like seeing you like that.”

                “Well... not everything was cute when I was growing up. I haven't told you about the dark days when I was cutting and depressed... and I don't know if I'm ready for you to know about it because it was the past and all my other friends were there for it and yeah they helped me through it... I just... it's the past, and it's hard for me.”

                “You don't have to tell me if you don't want to... I love you for who you are, regardless of what your past was like. You're awesome to me no matter what.”

                “Thanks Maur. I really appreciate you not pushing me to talk about it.”

                “You know I don't push.” Maura said nudging Jane's shoulder with her's then laughing. “Seriously though. No pushing, but we can tell each other anything and everything. No judging. No nothing, but open ears and open arms. Right?”

                “Right.”

                They finished eating in comfortable silence with a little small talk. They cleaned up the dishes and got dressed and went for a walk around the block a couple times. Maura wanted to get air. They talked about Jane's family and how crazy Christmas Eve and day were going to be with the whole Rizzoli family there. As they walked their hands kept brushing against each others. Both of them wanted to take the others in their own, but neither ever did it.

                Christmas at the Rizzoli's went well. Jane and Maura both surprised each other and got each other presents. Jane got Maura a picture frame that said 'best friends' with their names engraved in it and a necklace with a charm shaped like a heart that said 'BFF'. Maura got also got Jane a necklace. It had a heart charm and it was engraved with 'forever my best friend' on the back. They both loved their presents and said they were never taking the necklaces off.

                Christmas made Jane realize how much she wanted to be with Maura as more than just best friends. She also knew that she needed to come out to her parents before anything could happen between them because she didn't want Maura pulled into any drama her coming out would cause. Jane knew she wasn't really ready to tell her parents yet because she was scared. Jane didn't want to complicate things with Maura either right now anyway. Being just best friends with her was what they both needed for now.

                New Year's Eve was going to be spent with a few friends from school at Maura's house, but Jane got the flu and even though Jane insisted their friends could still come over if they wanted to, Maura canceled their plans with their friends. Maura ended up coming down with the flu New Year's Eve night, so Jane and Maura spent the night in bed cuddled up sleeping and eating soup when Wilma brought it to them and got up long enough to ring in the New Year.

                “This is not how I pictured our New Year's to go.” Jane said.

                “Yeah I know. Way to get me sick.”

                “Hey. It wasn't me!”

                “You got it first and I spend all day with you and I sleep with you.”

                “Ok, maybe I got you sick.” Jane chuckled. “Sorry.”

                “It's ok. As much as I hate getting sick, at least I have you to keep me company. Plus I have you all to myself.”

                “Oh so I see how it is. I knew you snuggled up to me more last night after I said I wasn't feeling good for a reason. You could have just told me you want me so bad.” They both were laughing hard now with tears in their eyes.

                “I'll have to remember that.” Maura said.

                They sat in silence watching tv waiting the 15 minutes before the ball dropped. They were both super tired and they both secretly couldn't wait to cuddle up to each other. 30 seconds before the ball dropped they sat up in bed and started counting down. They got to 10 seconds and looked at each other

                ten... Jane took Maura's hand.

                Nine... Maura looked into Jane's eyes.

                eight... they slide closer to each other.

                seven... Jane took Maura's other hand.

                Six... They inched closer to each other

                Five... Maura let go of Jane's hand and put it on the side of Jane's neck

                four... Jane put her free hand on Maura's waist

                Three... Maura pushed Jane down to lay on her pillow

                Two... Jane ran her hands through Maura's hair

                One... Their lips met.


	11. Plan B

** Chapter 11 ~Plan B~ **

                _It was a dream. I didn't kiss her._ It was the first thought Jane had when she woke up.

                “I have the weirdest dreams when I have a fever.” Jane said out loud.

                “I figured.” Maura said. She had her back to Jane laying down. “Good morning by the way.”

                “Morning.” Jane smiled. “What do you mean you figured I did?” Maura rolled over onto her back and Jane was looking down at her.

                “Well normally when you have dreams you let go of me and you don't want to be touched when I try to help you. I assume you're having a nightmare. But when you're having a good dream you usually hold me tighter and you talk in your sleep. I can tell by how your face looks that they aren't bad dreams so I just let you go. Last night you held tight to me, but you were different. I can't explain it really... I could just tell.”

                “Yeah... my nightmares usually make me not want to be touched. It's just how I am. But I like that I hold you tighter when I'm having a good dream.... my dream last night was... weird....but it was also good. It was vivid and felt so real. I guess the weird part was that I was dreaming it...and I wanted it to be real....but the fact that I even had the dream itself felt good because I want it to happen.” Jane paused. “I'm rambling. That's usually your specialty.”

                “It's ok. I understood what you were saying.”

                “Good. So how are you feeling?” Jane said put her hand on Maura's forehead. “No fever?”

                “Nope. No headache either. I'm starting to feel better. How about you?”

                “Well... since I had someone to sleep with last night, it made me feel a lot better.” They laugh. “I feel better. Getting to snuggle with someone really helped.”

                “Well I'm glad I made you feel better.”

                “You always make me feel better. All you have to do is walk into a room and I feel ten times better.” Jane blushes. “Let's go get some breakfast.”

                While Jane and Maura made breakfast, they talked about random things. “Did you know that Mrs. Ramirez and Mrs. Robbins are married?” Jane asked.

                “Well I assumed they were because they both having wedding bands.” Maura said, slightly confused as to where their conversation was going.

                “Did you know that they are married to each other?”

                “That I didn't know. How did I not know that?”

                “They don't really... flaunt it at school because it's school, but they don't hide it. I figured it out one day when I was in Mrs. Robbins' office and noticed the picture of the 2 of them on their wedding day sitting on her desk. It's what made me realize I didn't have to deny being gay because it's not that bad; that I will still find someone to be happy with down the road. We talked the other day about being gay in general, like how there isn't much difference in being straight, and we talked about kids and we talked about how my parents might not take being gay well because being catholic and everything, and how I should be be prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best, which I was anyway but it was nice to hear her say it.” Jane stopped talking mid thought. “I'm rambling.”

                “It's ok. It's been all about me the past week and as much as I know you love taking care of me, I don't mind not being the center of everything for once at least for a little bit. So ramble away. I wanna hear about everything now.”

                “Ok... so yeah.. we just talked about acceptance and how I thought it would go when I came out to my friends and I just told her that it would probably be ok. She just told me that if they don't accept it then they weren't really my friends. We talked about the future too. Like what I want to do after high school. I told her it depended on the whole softball scholarship thing and how I want to go to UW and criminal justice so that I had something to fall back on if the whole softball thing didn't work out. We talked about family and  she asked me what my version of a family would be. I just said obviously with a wife and at least a kid and a big house and a dog or two. I asked her if she ever wanted kids and she said yes... then she told me that Mrs. Ramirez is actually pregnant with twins! I totally didn't know that. She isn't showing yet but she should be soon I guess. I thought that was cool.” Jane stopped talking and Maura waited to see if she would continue before she started.

                “That is cool. Babies are so adorable. I definitely want to have kids when I get older.... I didn't know you wanted to study criminal justice.”

                “Yeah. I figured if softball didn't work out for me I could become a cop. I've always wanted to be one, but softball has always been what I want to do. So if I can play professional then awesome. If I can't then being a cop is plan B. I always have a plan B.”

                “Do you have a plan B if you don't get offered a scholarship from UW?” Maura was very curious about that now because she knew Jane could start being recruited as soon as next year.

                “Well I figured even if UW doesn't offer me a full ride, another D-1 school might. If that doesn't happen, then I'll stay here and go to college here, or just join the academy and become a cop straight out of high school. Even if I got into UW I wouldn't be able to afford the tuition without the full ride.”

                “I am sure there are ways you can go to UW without a full ride. I think we should look at colleges this summer. That way once junior year comes around we won't have to scramble to find weekends to do it. It'll be fun too.”

                “That sounds like a really good idea Maur. I didn't think of that.” Jane smiled.

                “Well what other colleges are you interested besides UW?”

                “Um... I haven't really thought about other schools. At least until right now. I guess we could look up colleges later?”

                “Definitely. I've always been interested in UW since I did the pre-med camp there, but I like NYU, Brown, Harvard, Yale, Darmouth, UCLA, Stanford, and BCU.”

                “Wow... all colleges I don't have the grades to get into... there goes the idea of going to college together if UW doesn't work.” Jane looked upset now and just stared down at her plate moving her food around.

                “Hey.. I didn't say they were the only schools that I would want to go to. If you found a school that you liked and they had a pre-med program and I liked it, I would go there with you. I don't like long distance relationships.”

                “What?” Jane said looking at Maura puzzled.

                “I don't like long distance relationships of any kind. My parents were never around and you see how our relationship is now. And I don't want thousands of miles between us. I want to be within feet of you or on the same campus as you. You are too special to me to lose you because of distance.”

                “Good. So it's settled then, we're going to the same college.” they laughed. “Seriously though. You're right. I don't want us to not be as close as we are because of something stupid like distance.”

                After they ate breakfast Jane and Maura went back upstairs and Jane took a shower while Maura went on her laptop and started looking up colleges that had a pre-med program and had a criminal justice program and made a list. Her mind wandered when she started thinking about Jane and then realized Jane was now in the shower, naked, and she started to day dream. Jane came out in her towel and pulled Maura out of her day dream but she was flushed and very turned on by what she was thinking about and Jane could just tell she was the reason why Maura was now blushing, but didn't say anything because she didn't want to embarrass her best friend. She just let Maura go in the bathroom to take a shower while she got dressed and got on Maura's computer and repeated what Maura had just done. When Maura was done showering and dressed they sat on the bed and compared the colleges they picked out. They both had pretty much the same colleges picked out so they decided to use Maura's address and request information to be sent to her house. They spent the rest of the day relaxing and goofing around in the snow. Maura's wrists were healed enough to not have to be covered so her jacket didn't pull at the gauze. They had lunch and went back outside and by dinner they were exhausted and hungry. Maura ordered pizza and they laid on the floor on blankets and pillows, eating pizza and talking, in front of the fire place. They both thought it was nice and romantic and felt like a date, but neither would say it out loud out of fear of the others rejection. They laid down after they finished the pizza and fell asleep snuggled up to each other like any other night.


	12. Really Ma?

** Chapter 12 ~Really Ma?~ **

                Maura went back to school after Christmas break. It wasn't hard for her to get back into the swing of things. Few people really paid attention to her being gone, which she felt comfort in because she didn't want a big show out her return. Jane was by her side the whole time. Just like a best friend should be.

                It was March now. Jane had started indoor workout for her travel softball team the second week of February and now practice for the schools softball team was starting. She was hoping to get a starting position on the varsity team now that it would be her 2nd year on the team. She felt like she deserved it and she was working hard. The only thing Jane was worried about was Maura. In the back of her mind she was constantly worried about Maura, only because she didn't want her to relapse on the cutting. She has been doing so well with it and hasn't relapsed since the hospital incident. Jane knew of a way she could ease her worrying and still go to games every day and not worry about her.

                “So... I have this idea I want to run by you.” Jane said to Maura one night laying on the couch.

                “Ok?” Maura was absentmindedly rubbing Jane's left calf as she sat with Jane's legs in her lap watching tv.

                “How would you like to keep the score book for both my travel team and the school team?”

                “I would do it, if I knew how to.”

                “I'll teach you. It's really simple really.”

                “Ok. I'll do it.”

                Jane sat up and went and got Maura's laptop to pull up an image of a score book page and began to show her how to do it. It didn't take long for Maura to catch on and learned pretty quick. Jane then emailed both her coaches and told them she found them their scorekeeper.

                Jane was how amazing Maura was doing with the book. When she first started doing it, she still had to ask questions to make sure she was doing it right, but Maura was doing it perfectly. Like she's been doing it for years.

                Watching Maura interact with her teammates and friends made Jane smile. Maura was making friends and they didn't judge her. They knew that Maura was gay, mostly because they just figured it out then asked Jane, who after already asking Maura if it was an ok subject to talk about, confirmed it. Her teammates didn't even bat an eyelash at the new information. It didn't matter to them. Which made Jane know she was even more ready to come out to her teammates.

                “I think I'm ready.” Jane said to Mrs. Robbins as they sat in her office talking one afternoon. It was mid-April now.

                “Ready for?” She said slightly confused.

                “To come out. Well at least to my teammates. They found out Maura was gay and didn't even care. It didn't matter to them. Which showed me that it wouldn't hurt me to tell them. I mean I'm sure they kind of figured it out now. I mean I do spend most of my time with Maura and I sleep with her most nights.”

                “Ok. Slow down. You sleep with Maura? Do you mean sleep with her as in...? Or in the platonic sense?”

                “No Maura and I aren't having sex. You could have just straight up asked you know. I guess you could say it's platonic. I mean there are things that I'm pretty sure platonic best friends don't do that we do.” Mrs. Robbins gave her that look that told her to explain. “Like.... we cuddle, and... fall asleep spooning sometimes or with her head on my chest or mine on hers..... and occasionally I'll kiss her forehead.... or cheek.” Jane blushed at admitting it.

                “Ok... I'm going to ask you something and you can't get defense ok?” Jane nodded so she continued. “Does yours, or both of yours, feeling go beyond just being best friends?”

                “Um... maybe... it's possible... Ok... yeah, definitely. I don't want to be just best friends with her... and I think...maybe... I might be... in love with her.”

                “Might be? Or are? I'm pretty sure I know the answer but I want to hear you say it.”

                “Are. I'm in love with Maura.”

                “What are you going to do about it? You know she's gay so it's not like you're fell for a straight girl so that's a plus. So there's a chance she likes you the same way. And from the sounds of things it's like you two are already dating just minus the... intimacy.”

                “That's the thing. I'm not 100% sure she is into me and I don't want to ruin the best friendship I have ever had. And I can't just put myself out there and hope that she likes me. I can't ruin any of it. I just can't. It'll hurt too much.”

                “I can understand that, but what if she does feel the same way? What if she's just as afraid as you are to approach the subject?” Jane didn't look convinced and Mrs. Robbins knew. “Ok... I don't normally use myself as an example but I know you won't say anything to anyone and it get around school... Mine and Calliope's -Mrs. Ramirez's- relationship hasn't been flowers and rainbows. It wasn't perfect. I'm not saying it's perfect now, but it was rocky at first. Callie comes from a family...with money... and when her father found out she was into women, he disowned her, took away her trust fund. This was when we first started dating. She kept avoiding me so I thought I did something wrong. Turns out she was having trouble making ends meet and the date we went on was to a really fancy and expensive restaurant and I had paid. She had avoided me for 2 weeks and I finally got sick of it so I confronted her and when she's upset and mad, she doesn't really think, so she said that maybe it was over before it even started. So I looked her in the eyes and said it wasn't and that I didn't need fancy restaurants as long as I had her. We went on that date that night and you know what we had for dinner? Pizza and beer. Nothing special because I knew it wasn't where we went that mattered, it was who. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes, things can start off bad or feel like you ruined everything, but if it's what you really and truly want, you fight and fight hard to make it work. Because it's worth it. Calliope and it have been together for... 7 years and married for 3 and I have a two babies on the way. I fought and now I'm here. So it's worth it. If you want Maura, than go get her. When you're ready that is. I know when I first came out, I didn't want to jump right into a relationship. And you're only a sophomore. Just get comfortable with other people knowing before you jump on anything, including Maura.” Mrs. Robbins chuckled.

                “That's really good advice. Thanks.” Jane was really understanding her feeling for Maura now.

                “I'm serious. Unless it involves a tickle fight, don't jump on her. It's only been what 4 months since the mom and hospital thing? As much as she's doing well, trust me when I say she needs to still be focused on herself and a relationship, especially a physical and intimate relationship with her best friend isn't what she needs right now. I've kind of been in her shoes before and right now she need her best friend and normalcy.”

                “Ok. Yeah you're right. Normal. I like how things are with her anyway right now. It doesn't have to change and I'm not going to be selfish and try to change it if it's not something she's ready for.... Thanks.”

                “You know I'm here whenever you need to talk. It's kind of my job too so I have to listen to your problems.” Mrs. Robbins chuckled. “Seriously. It's not a problem. I wouldn't be doing this job if I didn't want to help. Now get out of here before you're late for class. I'm not giving you a pass this time.” She gave Jane a dimpled smile.

                Jane was standing in the door way to the office now. “Speaking about babies, when is Mrs. Ramirez due? I'm assuming soon because she's big.”

                “Her due date is May 15th but because it's twins, she's going to probably go into labor sooner than that. She actually starts maternity leave next week. Once the babies are born I'm taking 2 weeks off at least. It may be more. We haven't quite figured it out yet but the board approved my family medical leave for 2 weeks already and said all I had to do was ask if I needed more time.”

                “Well I'm sure those babies will be adorable. Do you know what you're having?”

                “Nope. We want to be surprised. But we did already pick out baby names so we're prepared.” Mrs. Robbins looked up at the clock. “And now you're late for class.”

                “Hey it's history and if it weren't for Maura, I'd probably be failing the class.”

                “Quit stalling and get your butt to class.” She said handing Jane a pass so she wouldn't get into trouble for being late. “Oh and tell me how it goes when you come out to your teammates.”

                “Will do. See ya later Mrs. Robbins.”

                Jane waited another week before she came out to her teammates. Most of them already knew, just as Jane suspected, some of them were surprised and others just said they were waiting for her to finally just tell them. All in all it was nice to know that it didn't matter who she liked girls because she was still the same Jane most of them have known since elementary school.

                Jane's mother called her one night because she hadn't seen her daughter in a month and a half. Which was true. Jane had practically moved in with Maura after Maura got released from the hospital. Jane could tell her mom was slightly angry about that so she told her she would come home for dinner. Her mother told her no Maura which kind of hurt her but she understood that her mom just wanted time with her  without the reason she hasn't been home.

                “I don't get why you're still staying over there. She's better so why don't you just come home?” Mrs. Rizzoli asked.

                “Because Ma, I like spending time with Maura. I have fun with her. She's my best friend and I don't want anything to happen to her.”

                “Well that doesn't mean you need to spend every single minute of every day with her.” She was getting angry. “You know. I heard a rumor the other day about Maura. She's sinning and is choosing to live an unhealthy lifestyle.”

                “Ma. What are you talking about?” Jane had an idea, but didn't want to out Maura if that wasn't what Mrs. Rizzoli was referring to.

                “I heard she engages in... homosexual relations. Is it true?”

                “Homosexual relations? What is this, the Salem Witch Trials Era? Seriously Ma? You can't just ask me straight up if Maura's a lesbian?”

                “Well? Is she?”

                Jane contemplated her answer for a second and decided it wasn't worth lying. “Yes Ma. Maura is a lesbian.”

                “Then you will not be spending any more time with her!” Mrs. Rizzoli was yelling now. “She is sinning and it is unhealthy! I will not have my daughter around someone who is a complete abomination!”

                “Seriously Ma? You're going to throw bible shit around? Really? If Maura is sinning and an abomination then what is Pop? I'm pretty sure adultery is a bigger sin than who Maura has sex with! And I'm pretty sure those divorce papers you almost signed would have been going again the stupid religion you believe so much in. If's she's an abomination then I mine as well come clean now because apparently I'm an abomination too! I'm gay Ma and you and the religion you're hiding behind can... I'm done. Unless you can accept that this is who I am; Who my best friend is, then I am done. I'm getting the rest of my things and moving in with Maura for good. I'm done.”

                Jane went to her room and stuffed the rest of her clothes and things she really wanted in duffel bags and left. When she got back to Maura's she walked through the doors to meet Maura's confused eyes.

                “Um... don't get mad... but I kind of got kicked out of a place I haven't stayed at in almost 2 months.” Jane said.

                “What happened?”

                “I was defending you because Ma heard a rumor you are a lesbian and she asked me if you were and I told her the truth because I didn't want to lie... and I may have came out at the same time.”

                “So she's not ok with it?”

                “Not one bit.”


	13. Italians and Babies

** Chapter 13 ~Italians and Babies~ **

                Jane cried that night. She was laying in bed with Maura, snuggled into her, and started crying. She was hurting. She wasn't planning on coming out but in the heat of the moment, it just happened. The pain she was feeling was because her mother didn't accept her. Mrs. Robbins told her to prepare for the worst, but she didn't think that was going to happen, but it did. So she cried, and cried and Maura just laid there with her, soothing her, holding her. Maura really didn't know what to do, so she held Jane.

                The hurt Jane was feeling got better over time. It was still there because her mom didn't return her phone calls. Maura figured out a way to help; pizza and ice cream. Not all the time, but some nights it was needed. At least Jane had softball to work out the stress. So, Maura wasn't too worried about Jane dealing with the stress.

                Now, it was May and the end of the year was fast approaching. Jane had her final tournament with her travel team the weekend before and her last game with the high school's team the Friday before that. With the year ending so close, Jane and Maura had to do their schedules for next year and decided to take all the same classes together so they could just work together for everything. They scheduled their college visits for the summer too and they were so excited for that.

                Maura and Jane were snuggling on the couch late Friday night watching a movie and talking about their week.

                “So Mrs. Ramirez had the babies today. I was in Mrs. Robbins office when Mrs. Ramirez called to tell her she was in labor. The side I saw of Mrs. Robbins today was quite funny. She wasn't the calm guidance counselor we normally see... she was frantic and excited all at the same time. I actually had to run after her because she left her car keys sitting on her desk!” Jane was laughing. “It was cool to see that side of her. She's a pretty cool lady.”

                “Yeah she is pretty cool... I bet you think she's hot.” Maura said with a smirk.

                “What? No.. She's pretty. They both are. I mean if you want to use the word hot, I guess she is.”

                “She's hot. Just go with it.” They both chuckled. “What kind of girl would you date?”

                “I don't know... I mean I notice blondes the most. I'm not into the whole dumb blonde thing. I guess I just want a girl who's... caring, and kind, and not pushy, and not in it for the sex.” If Jane kept talking she would start describing Maura and she really didn't want to deal with that stuff right now. She wanted to wait a little longer to approaching the feelings stuff.

                “I like boobs.. and Italians... I'm definitely a boobs kind of girl. That's not the only things I look for in girls. I don't like big boobs either. I just want someone who's caring and funny, and not going to judge me for my past.”

                “Italians huh? Good to know.” Jane winked.

                Maura didn't know what to say so she just went back to watching tv for a little bit.

                “Do you know what they had? Mrs. Ramirez and Mrs. Robbins?”

                “Oh yeah! A little girl and a little boy. They named the girl Sofia Grace Ramirez Robbins and the boy Timothy Jacob Ramirez Robbins.” Jane chuckled. “They are going to have one hell of a fun time writing their names when they get older. Mrs. Robbins emailed me a picture earlier of the babies. She figured since I was there when she got the call I would be curious.”

                “Well that was nice of her to let you know.” she smiled. “Can we go to bed?”

                “Yeah. It's late anyway.”

                Jane and Maura were comfortable with each other enough to actually change and be naked in front of each other, even though they both got very turned on when it happened, neither of them said or did anything  about it so they just let it be.

                Maura got into bed before Jane did. When Jane finally got into bed she rolled over to face Maura and kissed her on the forehead. “Night beautiful.” Jane rolled back onto her back and instantly blushed when she realized what she had just said. Luckily it was to dark for Maura to see.

                “Good Night Jane.” Maura just rolled over and put her head on Jane's chest and pulled her in tight and drifted off to sleep like Jane didn't just make the worlds biggest slip up.

                Mrs. Robbins returned the last week of school. The first thing she did was meet with Jane to catch up. Mrs. Robbins wasn't supposed to have favorites, but it was clear that Jane was her favorite.

                “You know. You've changed a lot since the beginning of the year. I'm proud of you.” Mrs. Robbins said. “You've done amazing. I think Maura has changed you... obviously in a good way. You're not even together and I think she has you whipped. It's funny. You've grown.”

                “Do you really think she has me whipped?”

                “Yes. Don't worry about it though. So what are you planning on doing this summer?”

                “Summer softball, I'm flying to Seattle in a few weeks with Maura to look at UW and meet with the coach and we're going to look at a few colleges. The rest of the summer is going to be swimming and hanging out.” Jane smiled. “I think, if the summer goes well and Maura and I are still acting the way we are now, I'm going to hint at the feelings stuff and see how she reacts. I'm not saying I'm going to kiss her or do anything drastic. I'm just ready to see how things go. I'm ready for a relationship, if she wants one anyway.”

                “Just... don't get hurt. I don't want to see you get hurt. You've been hurt before. You're mom hurt you with the way she reacted when you came out. You were a mess. I really thought things were just going to get bad, but you had softball as an outlet so that helped. And You didn't turn to cutting again. So I'm proud.”

                “Thanks. That's really awesome to hear. It really is.”

                The last day of school came. Maura and Jane were most excited because there was no school and they could just have fun and go swimming and Jane is going to be playing softball and her best friend is going to be there for her to cheer her on. It's just going to be super fun.


	14. A Date and A Terrible Day

** Chapter 14 ~A Date and A Terrible Day~ **

                The trip to UW was a lot of fun. Jane met with the coach and told her about the summer league she was playing for and that she was playing fall ball. The coach said she might be able to fly out to Boston to check her out either this summer or in the fall. Which Jane was totally excited for.

                From there they went to look at UCLA. They both checked out their respective programs they wanted to go into and Jane of course talked to the coach and told her to come check her out. They both had high hopes for Jane to get offered a scholarship somewhere. They flew back home for a few weeks because Jane was starting her summer softball league.

                Jane was loving visiting colleges and traveling around the country. It was fun especially because she was doing it with her best friend.

                “I never thought college visits could be this much fun!” Jane said. “I mean it could be because I'm with my best friend doing it but still. I'm loving it.” They were laying in bed in a hotel in Alabama the night before going to visit University of Alabama. It's the middle of July.

                “Well I'm glad that you are enjoying this. You do know that whatever college you pick I will go to with you right? I don't care where we go.”

                “Ok. You're really prefect. You are!” Jane rolled over and looked at her and kissed her on the forehead. “You're amazing.”

                “Thanks.” Maura sighed. “I have to tell you something... I got asked to go on a date.”

                “Ok... by who?”

                “One of the girls on your team... Rachael.” Maura looked at Jane. “Are you mad?”

                “Why would I be mad? Good for you.” Jane may be saying she's glad for Maura, but inside, it really hurt. She really did think that this summer they would be able to explore their relationship more, I guess not now.

                “It's only a date though. It's not like we're dating. We're just going to hang out when we get back and talk and just see how it is.”

                “Ok.” Jane didn't know what else to say, so she just rolled over and told Maura good night and went to sleep.

                The visit to UA was good. Maura and Jane both liked it. Jane was mad at herself most of the time for being jealous that Maura is going on a date and it wasn't with her. Jane figured though that if it didn't work with Rachael then she would have a chance.

                Jane helped Maura get ready the night of her date. Rachael was taking Maura to dinner. Rachael had her license because she's a year older than Jane and Maura. They had a good conversation over dinner too.

                “So Rach. You're going to be a senior... That's got to be exciting.” Maura said.

                “Yeah. I can't wait for college though. I'm just ready to get out of here.” Rachael said smiling slightly.

                “Do you know where you're going to college yet?”

                “I'm being recruited by UNLV, Florida, and UCLA. I just have to wait and see who offers me a scholarship and go from there.”

                “Jane and I went to go look at UCLA a few weeks ago. It's really nice there. Jane really wants to go to UW.”

                “Yeah. I went and looked too last summer. It's nice. I'm hoping that University of Florida offers me a scholarship. That's where I want to go.”

                “Well I'm sure they will. You're an excellent softball player.”

                “Thanks.” Rachael said. “Why don't we get out of here and go for a walk in the park or something?”

                “Ok.” Maura smiled at her.

                They got in Rachael's car and drove to the park. When they parked the car and got out, Rachael came up to Maura and took her hand and smiled. The physical contact with Rachael was making Maura nervous but she didn't want to freak out on her date.

                “So Jane's living with you?” Rachael asked as they were walking down a path.

                “Yeah. She practically has been since I got out of the hospital, but then some things happened and she moved in permanently.”

                “I know about what happened with her mom. You're a good friend for letting her stay with you.”

                “Yeah. We're close. She's really helped me a lot. She's my best friend.”

                “You like her don't you?” Rachael asked, looking over at Maura quick. “It's ok if you do. This date was great. Don't get me wrong at all. But every time either one of us mentioned Jane you lit up like a Christmas tree. And I see the way you look at her at games.... She looks at you the same way too by the way. You guys are kind of perfect for each other.”

                “I do like her.. a lot... I just don't want to ruin anything. It scares me.” Maura sighed.

                “I think it's hurting her more now because she's probably jealous I'm on a date with you and she isn't. And I'm sure you would feel the same way if the situation was reversed. You should tell her and soon because if you don't you really will regret it. I know Jane. She's not the type of person to be straight up with a person. And since it's you, I'm betting she's terrified of loosing you just as much as you are. So go for it.”

                “Thank you Rach. For not being mad and for being nice.”

                They left the park and Rachael brought Maura home. Maura was planning on telling Jane about her feelings for her but when she got home Jane was already asleep. She got undressed and into her pajamas and told herself that she would tell Jane when they got back from Jane's game tomorrow. Maura got into bed and snuggled into Jane, who instantly rolled over and put her head on Maura's chest and her arm around her waist.

                Maura woke up the next morning and reached across the bed for Jane to snuggle with, but Jane wasn't there. But there was a note.

                _Maura,_

_Woke up early and couldn't fall back to sleep, so I decided to go for a run. Needed to clear my head anyway before the game. I'm going to head to the field after I'm done with my run so I'll see you there._

_-xoxo Jane_

_p.s. I would much rather stay in bed... or in the pool with you all day instead of going to this game. ;) Tonight though we are going for a night swim... ;)_

                Maura knew Jane was totally being flirty with her and she was seriously liking it. It was putting her mind at ease when it came to the doubt she had they Jane liked her in that way. Maura grabbed her phone and figured she'd send Jane a text to tell her she got her note.

                To Jane: _I woke up thinking I could get some cuddles this morning before your game... no cuddles for you later ;) Good morning by the way –xoxo_

She sent the text and a reply was almost instant. She really hated being away from Jane. Even if it was for a few hours.

_From Jane: Good Morning to you too. I'm sorry you had to wake up alone, but I couldn't fall back to sleep & I kept tossing and turning & I didn't want to wake u up, so I figured a run would be good. :) - <3_

Jane was sitting at the field in the dug out. She still had 2 hours before the game. If she wasn't so nervous about talking to Maura she wouldn't have left before Maura got up.

                _To Jane: It's ok. :) So night swim tonight sounds amazing. I got something new I've wanted to wear anyway ;)_

Maura knew she may be taking the flirting a little too far, but she wanted to see how far she could take it with Jane right now. Maura needed to get in the shower though and get ready if she wanted to get to the field on time. She needed to be there in an hour and a half.

                _From Jane: I feel like I should be scared... but I'm not... --xoxo_

Jane was enjoying this flirty side of Maura right now. It was helping a lot with the nerves from the game and wanting to talk to Maura.

                _To Jane: Good... I'm going to go take a nice...long... possibly cold shower... It's really warm in the house today... ;) I'll see you in a little bit. I won't be late._

Jane's eyes bugged when she read that text. Now she couldn't get a very naked Maura out of her mind. “God she's going to kill me.” Jane said out loud to herself.

                Maura's shower took longer than she wanted to and she didn't go in the shower right away. Instead she laid in bed and just thought about things. Now she was running super late and the game was going to be starting any minute. She definitely wasn't going to make it for first pitch and she hoped Jane wasn't going to get mad. She went downstairs to grab a muffin quick to eat in the car. When she got into the kitchen she stopped dead in her tracks.

                Jane was getting worried that Maura wasn't there yet. She was rarely late for things especially Jane's games. It was worrying her enough to distract Jane from the game. Jane was at bat and hit the ball far. She rounded first and second with no problem. She was heading toward third and the outfielder was throwing the ball to the third baseman. Jane knew she would have to slide.

                She went down to slide and as she reached the third base, she was going way too fast and her cleat got caught and the next thing she knew there was searing pain in her knee and ankle. It was unbearable, need to throw up, might pass out kind of pain. The third base coach heard the snap when it happened and was at Jane's side instantly.

                Jane's coach called an ambulance and someone grabbed Jane's bag for her and she got her phone out. There were 5 missed calls, 2 voice mails, and a text message; all from Maura. Jane knew something was seriously wrong. As they loaded Jane into the ambulance she listened to the frantic voice mails Maura left and read the text message. Something happened to Wilma. She felt like she was going to throw up. The adrenaline was wearing off and the pain was getting unbearable, now add the fear from something happening to Wilma, Jane couldn't take it.

                The paramedic asked her if she hit her head and she told her no, that it was because the pain was so bad. The paramedic gave her some morphine and Jane knew she needed to send Maura a quick text.

                _To Maura: Just got your vm's and txts, on the way to the hospital now... except in an ambulance. Slid into the 3 rd base too fast... don't worry about me. Keep me updated on Wilma... I'll text you again when I know what I did or you can come find me in the ER... I love you xoxo_

The morphine kicked in soon after that and the next thing she knew they were in the ER. The doctor did an x-ray on Jane's leg. When the doctor came back in he came back in with another doctor.

                “From the x-ray, it looks like you broke your ankle and snapped a few tendons and ligaments, and from the force of your leg hitting the base, it tore your ACL in your knee. I don't know how you managed it but you did. I'm thinking though that it might have been because of repeat injury it weakened your ankle and knee. You're going to need surgery to repair your ACL and the torn tendons in your ankle.” The ER doctor said.

                “Great. Just great. This sucks.” Jane said. “Could this day get any worse?”

                “I'm sorry. This is Dr. Hunt. He's an orthopedic surgeon and will be performing your surgery. So if you have any question's I'll leave you to ask. Take care.” the ER doctor left the area.

                “Do you have any questions?” Dr. Hunt asked.

                “No. Well... When am I having surgery?” Jane asked.

                “You will be taken up within the hour to be prepared for surgery.”

                “Ok... Thanks... Ooh. I really need a favor.”

                “Depends on the favor. Shoot.”

                “My best friend's... I don't know exactly what she is to her, um I guess her legal guardian... her guardian was brought in earlier. Her name is Wilma Miller. Is there anyway you can find out what for and where she is?”

                “That I can do. Let me go jump on the computer and check.”

                “Thanks.” Dr. Hunt went out to the desk and got on the computer.

                He came back a few minutes later. “Ok. So it looks like she was found unconscious and brought into the ER. From there it was determined that she suffered from a heart attack and needed emergency surgery. I looked at the surgical board and it looks like she's still in surgery.”

                “Oh my god. I need to find my best friend. She can't be alone.” Jane was freaking out and trying to get up.

                “Calm down. You know you can't get up. So don't try.” Dr. Hunt said firmly.

                “Ouch. Yeah that hurt.”

                “I'll have the nurse give you some more morphine before you go up for prep.”

                “Alright. I guess I'll see you when I get up there then.” Jane said. The doctor got up and left. Jane needed to text Maura.

                _To Maura: I heard about Wilma. I know she's in surgery. I wish I was with you right now. I'm still in the ER, but it looks like I have to have surgery myself. I tore my ACL in my knee, some of the ligaments and tendons in my ankle, and broke my ankle. Can you say spazz? (I hope that made you chuckle because I know you need it right now) Everything will be ok. I will see you when I get out of surgery though. I love you –xoxo_

Maura got the text from Jane but didn't know how to and didn't want to reply. She was terrified. The two most important people in her life were having surgery today. One of them were already in surgery. Maura felt helpless. The only thing she could do was sit in the hospital's chapel and pray.


End file.
